


In the Pouring Rain Without a Coat

by Enjoltaire



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: 1920s, Downton Abbey AU, F/M, Gender Issues, M/M, My apollogies, Probably not very good, This has probably already been done, wwi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enjoltaire/pseuds/Enjoltaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Downton Abbey AU. I'm so very sorry for the fact that there are probably better Downton AUs out there and instead you've stumbled on this one but I thought I'd give it a shot. You don't need to have watched Downton for this. Just understand the general period-themed things. The house, the activities and all that. Just watch one episode and you'll be fine. </p><p>Essentially Enjolras is an heir with a brand new valet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Enjolras was a difficult person to say the least. He'd been so ever since he'd begun reading. He lived in what could be considered a kingdom to most. He thought it selfish to live in such a place when so many others suffered. But for all of his life his father had told him that by having their luxuries they provided opportunities for their staff and so on. Saying they would have no kinder an employer than their family.

It still seemed extensive. Enjolras was an only child, was it necessary to have so many rooms? Maids? Footmen? He did his best to speak to them all but he had a feeling they both, didn't want to listen to what a rich boy had to say, and would go downstairs within seconds to laugh with the other staff of how 'his master' was trying to be a friend again. When he grew to seventeen he gave up on their friendships, knowing he'd never gain any of them.

When he was eighteen he'd lost his valet to marriage. He was happy for him and begged his father to give him a generous wedding gift. But that left him with no valet. He was positive he could live a peaceful life without one but his father had 'strenuously insisted', that was Enjolras's cue to stop arguing. He just tended to have issues with newer staff. All of the maids had gradually been replaced after he'd turned twelve, two new, young maids joined the ranks two years ago. 

As for footmen he'd been used to the same three since he was fifteen. Two decided to start a business together. Two new, young men, no more than two years older than him, had been employed. Having staff his own age made it rather awkward a lot of the time.

But it wasn't up to him who his father hired. He liked younger staff for their energy and agility and damned if he didn't get what he wanted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire had been interviewed for a similar job once before. He'd made a joke about hoping for good wine and was asked to leave. This time was different, he'd be dignified and willing. He needed the money so dignity be damned. His mother had never approved of his 'artist' dreams. She loved art and loved his talent but warned it wouldn't pay. So she wouldn't need to know about his failure.

He knew he was far out of his league when he was driven up to the door. It looked far to big to just be a home. He was taking into one of the libraries to be interviewed by the earl of the village - whom he'd just found out would be his employer - and the head of staff. He anxiously sat, never seeing such fine furniture, a golden retriever sat at the earl's feet.

"So, Mr. Grantaire, how long have you been in service?"

The truthful answer was never been. He wondered if he should be truthful though, maybe faking experience would help him get this job. But then he'd have to fake knowledge and he was crap at that. Better tell them lies, lest they expect him to live up to them. "Not too long actually. Quite recently I've run into some troubles and I've decided this to be best suited for my abilities."

"What are your abilities?"

"Well sir...I can cook and clean, that's a given. I've grown up with many sisters and dealt with every stage of their dramatic lives if that is at all useful here."

"Unfortunately no, I have only one son. But I do have two sisters and I understand your meaning."

"Yes. Em...anyway I can do just about anything that I'm instructed to. Any space open I will gladly fill."

He feared he was being too eager. To wanting of the job, maybe making this man think he was unable to get other jobs for some reason. He found himself to be correct in that thought. "And why haven't you been employed elsewhere if you are so flexible with your work?"

"My last house had three girls. One of them made a pass at me and when I refused she got her father to fire me."

"And you refused because she was ugly, inward or outward?"

"Inward only. And she is far above me, I cannot dream of a woman of her stature."

He received a slight nod and smile for that response. Wishful thinking reached him, he might just get this one, maybe. 

"I like you Grantaire. I will hire you."

"Just like that?"

"Honestly the older stuffy men typically don't get along with the other staff, despite how well-equipped they are. You're about my son's age, you're talkative, you'll be a good fit upstairs and downstairs. I needn't look further for a replacement. Don't you agree Javert?"

The man next to him, the head of the staff, nodded as he eyed Grantaire thoroughly. Making sure he was uncomfortable. The earl nodded with him and turned his attention back to Grantaire. "It's settled then. You are to be my son's valet."

"...Valet...right."

"No worries son, you'll be taken through your daily duties and expectations, you'll pick more up as you go along. My son is quite hard to get along with though, I warn you."

"I'm sure we'll get on fine."

At that his things were moved into a room. Mr. Javert took him through his daily duties of dressing the man's son and so on. Seemed simple enough. He had most of it memorized except the way this son liked his clothes rotated. So strange to be so stringent about one's clothes, but he was very different from this heir, might as well get used to the eccentricities. 

Javert left him halfway through his day. He'd disappeared. Luckily Grantaire had received the tour. Unlucky for him he had no idea where he was meant to be. He wandered around until he was yanked downstairs by Javert who gave him an earful about being caught wandering in the home. He was then introduced to the staff.

Joly, the cook, Bossuet, the assistant cook, Feuilly the lord's valet, Bahorel, gardener. Grantaire felt bad for him. This estate was nothing but well-trimmed hedges, lawns and flower beds. It must take him weeks to go over the damn place once. He then realised Bahorel probably didn't do it all alone. He was probably just in charge of the process. He voiced the thought and Bahorel laughed at the thought of polishing the endless lawns and gardens alone.

Combeferre, a footman, Courfeyrac, a footman as well, Montparnasse a vengeful, hateful chauffeur, Éponine the lady's maid, Jehan, everything else. That included the fires, floral arrangements and alphabetizing the books. Essentially he did everything that was not in the others' job description, therefore he was unable to hold an official occupation title. 

He liked them all. They liked him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Now son, don't be upset--"

"Upset! I'm so far beyond upset! I do not want to marry anyone! Much less her!"

"There is nothing wrong with that young woman. Cosette is beautiful and kind and she is wealthy. She'll be a credit to our family."

"I don't care one bit about what she'll bring to the family, I do not want to marry some stranger."

"She wont be a stranger. She'll live here a month or two, you two will make friends then who knows?"

"I know. I know I will not marry this girl."

"It is...in the end it is your choice but think of the family, of your heritage. We need a strong line. All I've given is you."

"I do not care father. I have no plans to marry this girl. I'm sure she has no plans to marry me. She probably has her own beau that she's had to leave behind because of my father and hers."

"I strongly insist you at least give her a fair shot."

Enjolras quieted. Still mad as hell but controlling it. He'd learned how to do so well a long time ago. His father sat at his desk, Enjolras prepared to leave. "Oh hold on. I've hired you a new valet today. He's been shown his duties and all that. Surely you'd like to meet him."

"No thank you, I've done just fine on my own."

"He's already been hired, shown around, and given a room. You have a new valet."

"Father--"

"I suggest you introduce yourself to him tonight or tomorrow morning. He's kind, I feel you'll like him."

And upstairs he went. Drawing himself a bath before bed. Just to spite his father. After he'd finished brooding in the lukewarm water he hopped out, dried off and got dressed. Then came the task of his hair. He typically tackled the tangles by sheer willpower but it just hurt so badly sometimes. He finally got the comb to go through smoothly before he plaited and tied it. Brooding until he finally drifted off.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

He was woken up by one of the many maids. He was not a morning person but if he wasn't woken up at a normal hour he'd sleep even later the next day and would gradually become nocturnal. He'd like to avoid that. Well his father would like him to avoid that. So a maid would rap on his door until they heard a groan from the other side.

He always fell asleep in some picturesque way but always woke up like a freak. Once or twice he'd been upside down. He could never find a spot comfortable enough to stay in. Today he was just on his stomach and sprawled. He whined and stood. Re-plaiting his hair before dressing himself for breakfast, cringing at the sun. 

And then he was fumbling sleepily down the stairs, giving a quick hello to Courfeyrac and Combeferre. Both quite close to him by now. He did his best to stay awake while he ate. He was almost lulled back to sleep when his father's voice interrupted the silence. "So Combeferre, Courfeyrac, how is the new valet settling in so far?"

They both just sort of laughed then Combeferre shut Courfeyrac up and responded. "He's settling in very well I would say. He's quite lively and funny. Good choice sir."

"Hear that son? He's lively and funny. Still want to go without a valet and put the poor boy out of a job?"

"Boy? How old is he?"

"...Looks to be about twenty I suppose."

Enjolras silently sighed and poked at his food before he simply couldn't be near his father and stood. Announcing he'd be in the library before storming off. So his father did all he could to warm him up to the idea. "Combeferre would you ask the new valet to meet my son in the library?"

"Of course sir."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Courfeyrac and Combeferre knew Enjolras and knew meeting Grantaire would not change his mind about the idea. But damned if it wouldn't be hilarious to watch. They hurried downstairs, Grantaire was teaching Éponine how to smoke while she played cards. To make her poker face work better. Combeferre pulled the fag from his lips and put it out. 

He just groaned and leaned back in his chair. "I've barely been here a day and I'm already in trouble?"

"No trouble. The lordship's son will be meeting you now."

"Finally. He's not too much of a handful right?"

"...Not about his needs but...he goes on political rants often times. Just nod along, he usually picks up on the fact that politics have long abandoned us."

"Lovely. Alright where is he then?"

"Library, hurry up."

He attempted to air the smokey scent out of his clothes before he ran upstairs but made very little progress. He stepped into the library. Empty. He then cursed Courfeyrac, knowing this prank must've been his idea. He then heard a very smooth, sultry voice from the couch. The one with the back facing Grantaire. He stiffened. "Why 'damn that Courfeyrac'?"

"I didn't know anyone was in here. My apologies."

"No need."

He sat up. Oh good lord he was gorgeous. He leaned on the back of the sofa and looked Grantaire over a few times. Making him blush. "You are?"

"Eh, your new valet, Grantaire...Y-your....highness?"

Enjolras smirked and laid back down. Beckoning him over with a wave. Grantaire hurried. His state of shock due to how attractive, no, handsome, simply just handsome. Many men were handsome. He was no longer in shock due to how handsome his new employer was.

"You are to be my new valet then?"

"Yeah--I mean yes...sir...highness."

Enjolras laughed again and nodded. "I am not real royalty mister Grantaire. It is not 'your highness'. My last valet called me 'lord Enjolras'."

"That's what I call your father though."

'Yes but I don't like my first name."

"Oh...You're a lord then?"

"Not yet, but my father won't bark at you if call me that. But it's certainly not highness."

"Right, of course. My apologies."

"I don't want your apologies. How do you like it here?"

"It is...much larger than anything I've ever imagined being inside of mainly. It's so ornate and...it's really inspirational. And all of your staff is so welcoming."

"Ah good. Well you'll find they don't think well of me."

"Why's that?"

"Oh, I'm always complaining about politics from where I am in life. I'm sure they find it hypocritical and so on. They no doubt complain. Though perhaps not Combeferre..."

"That's not hypocritical. Why can't the rich be upset about the poor as well? Of course it isn't exactly your place to be upset when you have all you'd ever need."

Enjolras cocked his head. Seemingly speechless and very confused. His plait falling against his shoulder. God his hair was beautiful. Plaited messily and wonderfully and he was very distracted by it---too distracted. He shouldn't be staring. "H-have I done something wrong?"

"No...but...none...none of the staff, other than Combeferre really, they don't share opinions. It's strictly against the butler's rules."

"My mistake!"

"Oh hush, I don't mind hearing opinions. Just find it strange to have someone tell me off. Combeferre may disagree in our debates but it's always in his polite demeanor."

"I've not meant to offend you--"

"You haven't. I'm just surprised. Refreshed even. So tell me Grantaire, what were you before you entered service. Do not be offended but I can tell you are very much new to this."

"I am yes. I was working in a small pub to help my mother and two sisters. I wanted to pursue my dream of being an artist...Which was admittedly very foolish of me...I went to London, failed miserably on all counts and I simply couldn't return home without any money. A few villages over I found a job in service. I came here on a whim and sure enough...work."

"Admirable, to give up what you love for family. But being an artist is not foolish. It may not have much of a monetary benefit but it does have it's importance in the world. Your medium?"

"I paint mostly but lately charcoal and pencil have recaptured my interest."

"On your days off there is a shop a few miles after exiting here. It sells...artsy things. You may find you can refill your tools there."

"Well, thank you your lordship. Very kind of you to consider me."

"Yes well, it's hard to settle into the home of another. Especially in a new town. I can manage on my own in all honesty. So tell me when I've been too put-off or too controlling. Also, Grantaire, the business of being one's valet can be a very intimate thing so...until I know you better you can leave most of the dressing and undressing to me."

With that he left. And Grantaire could hardly stop himself from staring. Such long hair and legs and...he was the image of beauty. To not stare would be a sin. No, not stare, admire. Yes, it would be rude not to admire his beauty. He hurried downstairs and tired to keep his blushing to a minimum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'll say it once more, I know there will be other Downton AUs, because, one: it's a wildly popular show, especially over in America. Two: it fits well with these characters. And three: it's not a very original idea. So I'm sorry if my story is similar to another but on my honor I don't mean it.


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks into being Enjolras's valet. He'd done near nothing and was feeling very guilty for it. He occasionally helped him dress. That included cufflinks, his vest and jacket only. Occasionally he'd need a tough knot pried from his laces. But other than that he would watch as Enjolras went through his dressing motions, with his back turned of course. By then they'd have both read the paper, both with opinions on the politics inside. Both arguing. Though Enjolras saw Grantaire as a pest whose sole purpose was to torment and argue with him Grantaire loved his position.

It was by far the best job he'd ever had. But he figured this was all he'd ever do with Enjolras. Just fix his cufflinks, tell him what the lowest class really thought, and be there when he needed it. He never did unfortunately. It was frustrating but if feeling in-the-way meant he was near Enjolras more then so be it. Yes, that's what he'd expected. Until one night. 

Éponine had been called by Cosette - who had recently moved in for the summer - to soother a sore throat. Éponine was often used to double as a lady's maid so while Cosette stayed she'd be at her beck and call. Grantaire accompanied her. She wasn't afraid of the dark, or the ornate decorations in the night. She was afraid, however, of Enjolras. She admitted it made no sense but her childhood had brought he to fear most men his age, especially ones of higher stature. Grantaire didn't ask but was glad that she'd grown comfortable with the staff and himself.

She hurried to Cosette's room, all were asleep. They hurried passed Enjolras's room to get to the wing containing Cosette's room. As they passed he heard a voice from Enjolras's room. A sudden wave of jealousy washed over him as he thought of a woman with him. Someone touching him, someone kissing him, looking at him in his most vulnerable state.

"Éponine I'm going to just go and check on him right quick."

"Why's that?"

"I thought he...might've been sick as well."

"If he wakes due to you it's your funeral. But if you're with him he's not with me so go on then. I'll meet you downstairs."

While she scurried down the halls Grantaire stepped back to Enjolras's door. Knocking quietly before turning the knob. He then heard Enjolras scrambling at his vanity - the one his aunt had given him when his mother thought he'd be a girl apparently - then a shaky voice. "I didn't call for anyone. Who is it?"

"It's Grantaire your lordship."

"I didn't send for you Grantaire, you may leave."

He didn't he stepped in and found Enjolras sitting at his vanity, hair down. He'd never seen it down, it wasn't better, nor was it worse. Just something new, just as perfect. But he had little time to admire. Enjolras hid his face well despite the mirror and kept his back to him. "Is something troubling you?"

"Oh what do you care? You'll just tell me I'm a fool for it."

"Of course I wouldn't...Sir, if I am to be working with you like I am I feel there should be some trust between us."

"That is not your place to judge Grantaire. Leave."

That certain venom in his voice scared Grantaire. He apologised and began to leave when Enjolras's voice stopped him. "Why are you all the way up here anyway?"

"Oh I...Lady Cosette's sore throat got to her. I walked up with Éponine."

"Why?"

"...She has a fear of men of your age and...feels she cannot give herself the opportunity to be alone with you."

"W-why?! I'm a perfectly nice person!"

"Y-yes we all know that. We all adore you. She's had a tough upbringing is all."

"...Oh just come in, Grantaire."

He tried not to smile as he closed the door behind himself. Enjolras fumbled again with his comb as he pulled on another knot. He winced and faced the mirror. Grantaire saw he'd been crying. "Let me do that sir."

Enjolras rested an elbow on the table and his forehead against the ball of his hand. Looking at him through the mirror. "What do you know of combing long hair?"

"Two sisters is what I know. Give it here."

Enjolras sat up and handed him up the brush. Grantaire found he'd get to touch his hair. He shuddered a bit before drawing it all behind his shoulders. "Don't be so nervous, I'm not much of a tenderhead...well that's just a lie but I'll pretend."

"It just...brushing your hair is similar to brushing Samson's hair I feel."

Enjolras smiled at him through the mirror as he wiped his eyes. "Why've you been crying?"

"Oh, this and that."

"If it was truly just 'this and that' you wouldn't be up this late thinking about it. What is it then."

"I'm sure you know why Cosette's here."

"Of course, but she is very kind and rather smart, quite funny as well."

"I know. She's lovely and all that good stuff but...I don't fall in love. I've never seen a girl as someone to court or woo. It's just a woman. Like I am a man. Just a slight distinction. I don't want to marry anyone, at least not now. And not her."

"Sir, I know your father, not as well as most but well enough. If you do not want this woman you will not have her. Please don't be upset over something that you have total control over."

"...You're right, I know you're right. In the back of my mind I know it. But when I'm making small talk at dinner while my father talks about what a lovely month June is to marry in...I don't know it then."

"Sir, don't fret. Everything seems so much worse at night. In the light of day you'll see you have not one thing to truly cry over."

"I have many things to cry over Grantaire...I mean...why don't I find her attractive? Why can't I just buck up and fall in love?"

"Because sir, that is not how love works. It happens when it wants to, whether or not you asked for it. Don't worry about finding someone to love just yet, you're young."

Enjolras wiped his eyes again and nodded slightly. Grantaire then ran the brush through the last section of golden hair. Enjolras seemed to realise that it was the last section of hair and looked up in surprise. "I didn't feel a thing."

"I've gotten good then."

"Yes, you have. That's amazing. I always end up with at least some form of a headache after I brush it myself."

"Well then maybe I have another job."

"You certainly do. Can you tie it up as well?"

"Of course."

He grabbed a tie and very gently knotted it. Enjolras still amazed that it hadn't felt like hell. Enjolras then pulled his hair over his shoulder and stood. "Thank you very much, Grantaire. For everything."

"Of course sir. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."


	4. Chapter 4

Grantaire never spoke of seeing Enjolras in such a disheveled state. Mainly because he was certain no one else had thought him able to cry. Enjolras would certainly want this a secret. It became routine after that. He would comb Enjolras's hair before bed, occasionally in the mornings when it was particularly awful. Enjolras rarely spoke whilst he brushed through his hair. He did however get goosebumps and close his eyes. That was fine by Grantaire.

Grantaire found himself arguing with Enjolras constantly. Enjolras loved it. Not too many of the servants would shoot all of his points down. He found it fun, a refreshing challenge. A well-informed, well-read, and very well-educated challenge. Grantaire had never had a better job. Though he did get on his nerves when he'd occasionally just roll his eyes and patronize. Then Enjolras was sure he could ring his neck.

Grantaire could argue with Enjolras, partially dress him, brush his hair, listen with his back turned while Enjolras hummed or sang in the bath. He was fantastically tone deaf, could not hold a tune to save his life. But nothing had made Grantaire smile so truly than that terribly off-key voice. 

He never found himself jealous of Cosette. Mainly because neither had any interest in the other. Sure, she'd admitted to Éponine that he was beautiful, but she'd also admitted being in love with another. So they'd sit through nice dinners, they'd occasionally discuss books, they'd attend functions but they were not a couple, they'd ride horses and so on. Nothing incriminating. Then again she'd been there a month. Plenty of time for something to happen.

He became slightly cynical towards his future there. Though he was cynical about everything else, why not throw in his job? It could simply only get worse from where he stood. Honestly. The only step up from his current job would be to paint Enjolras daily. So why the hell wouldn't it get far worse soon. And how wrong he was.

Cosette had found herself with yet another sore throat, the doctor had warned her of her allergies but she just loved the flower gardens and the lawns. She said they reminded her of her time in the convent, during which she apparently grew similar flowers. 

So Éponine and Grantaire were headed up to her room, she held tea with honey. Grantaire's objective was now Enjolras's room on default, he had to comb his hair. This also meant he didn't need a shit excuse to see Enjolras before bed. "'Ponine, what has Cosette said about him?"

"She's not 'Cosette' to you. She's Lady Cosette. And Lady Cosette says little about him. Mainly that he's a whiz in chess and riding."

"Does she have any interest at all in him?"

"If only for a permanent chess partner, perhaps. Why?"

"Only wondering."

"Fat chance you've got with her. She's got her own man. Apparently he's got the face of an angel and the mind of a genius and all this. What've you got? Sibling to support and a talent you haven't the time for?"

"Lay off. I've no interest in Lady Cosette. Take her the tea."

"Keep the young master away from me if you please."

He rolled his eyes as she continued down to a further wing. Slightly relieved that Cosette truly had no interest in Enjolras, not even as a fling. He knocked as a formality and opened the door, but only slightly after hearing Enjolras's protest.

"W-wait! Don't come in! I'm---in the middle of something!"

"Would you like any help with that sir? I may not've been a valet long but I am competent."

"Eh, no thank you. I've got it--fuck--yes just one minute."

"It'd be no trouble really sir."

"I'm fine--just--damn. I forgot you were coming up."

"I've come up every night for the passed few weeks sir."

"Well, I don't need you tonight. Go back to downstairs or to the attics or what have you."

Grantaire just rolled his eyes and fully entered the room. He felt he was stunned for the normal amount of time after seeing what he had. Enjolras seemed to just wait for Grantaire's response to tailor his own. Grantaire then realised what a terribly awkward situation this must be for his young employer. He could just see tears welling. So he did his job. He pulled the dress up on his shoulders, buttoned everything up and what not. Got it right then pulled him towards the mirror. "You look well in red."

"...I can explain."

"There's no real need to. I'd be lying if I said I didn't try on a few of my sisters' things. Including the corset. We all get curious. Though that particular curiosity was one I don't recommend. Corsets are evil things."

Enjolras smirked slightly. "I've done this a few times before, in the dead of night of course."

"Would you like to be a woman then?"

"Not really. I just...I always have this plan of dressing like a woman, I know I could pass for one, go down into town and experience first-hand what they have to go through. Getting poked and prodded and all that business."

"...How does one 'not really' want to be the opposite sex?"

"As in...I wouldn't mind the change but I do not crave it, nor do I spend too much time thinking about it. But I feel most people are like that if they admit it to themselves. "

"True, sir. Very true."

"...Please don't tell anyone--a maid caught me once and she told the whole staff and they still mock me for it. I was so hoping to keep you in the dark but--"

"Don't worry. I won't tell on one condition, sir."

"...You do have leverage now...What is the condition then?"

"Nothing bad I swear it. Sir...if you can...I'd like you to stop letting them push you around, demean you."

"...What?"

"Your father and that stupid butler and that terrible chauffeur that has it out for you, the one that's constantly calling you a brat. You're different sir, you care about those who've long lost hope of anyone's love. You do not deserve to be told off after dinner for not wooing Lady Cosette well enough."

"You heard?"

"So did China sir. I just...don't let them push you around. I'm...very different and people used to tease and make fun but they stop. After a few times they stop. Oh sir, if just once you wouldn't let your father tell you where to go or what to do you'd feel so empowered."

"...How are you so different?"

"No matter. I just know you have it in you to really make a difference. Don't let your father ruin all that."

"...I won't. Promise...Is that all you're going to do to me now that you have this information?"

"Yes...well, make-up wouldn't hurt. I know you have it, come on."

Enjolras sighed and flopped on to his vanity's stool before opening a locked drawer. Grantaire, having sisters, already knew how everything worked. Enjolras wasn't too fidgety thankfully. Too focused on being embarrassed it seemed. "Now look down--don't blink or it won't go on right!"

"Ah sorry. Mascara's my worst subject. I've very sensitive eyes. No wonder only whores and actresses wear this demon seed."

"Oh but you look so wonderful. I bet soon every girl will wear this 'demon seed'"

"They should be so unlucky."

"Now smile."

"Smile?"

"Your cheeks, I need to--just smile!"

He groaned and obeyed, feeling ridiculous. Grantaire smeared the rouge and rubbed it into his skin gently. "Why haven't you gone out as a woman before this?"

"For obvious reasons. I couldn't leave the house without someone seeing me as a girl, telling my father and...so on."

"Well...what if you were to sneak out persay. Tell your father you're about to be off to somewhere, get dressed, and leave through the service exit?"

"Are you...helping me Grantaire?"

"You're my boss, if you're happy I'm happy."

"Tomorrow then---oh but that chauffeur, he'll have to drive us out."

"I can drive us."

Enjolras was obviously excited. "Tomorrow then! Tomorrow at noon I'll call for you and I'll tell my father I want you to drive me because...I don't know because I'm trying to warm up to you or something."

"Alright then. Tomorrow. Now pout your lips."


	5. Chapter 5

Enjolras's father was just pleased that he was at least making an effort with his new valet. For often times his father hired valets for him to gain him a friend. So the thought of them spending a day together was a wonderful one in his book. He hurried back to his room. Grantaire fixing his dress and hair accordingly. A blue dress. A pale blue dress. Beautiful too. Though he was sure Enjolras would be beautiful no matter what he wore. 

Grantaire then got a hat and a trench coat on him and he guided him through the staff's stairwell until reaching the car. Enjolras jumped in while Grantaire hurriedly started the car and off they went. Once far enough away Enjolras slid the partition down and leant forward. "I can't believe I'm out of the house this way."

"There're extra clothes in the back in case you change your mind at some point."

"Thank you...So strange. I've never even imagined doing this truly."

"Glad to be of help."

Soon enough they were deep in the village. Enjolras was very nervously helped from the car. Trench coat in the back seat. Grantaire assured him he'd be fine. He stepped out as Grantaire closed the car door behind him. "I think I shouldn't do this."

"Don't worry, as far as anyone here knows we're just two people out for a walk around town. Nothing strange, be calm."

He nodded and Grantaire held his arm out for him. Enjolras smirked and took it. And he'd been right. They were absolutely fine. A few men looked his way, leering looks that Enjolras noted. But when they did Grantaire pulled him closer. After an hour or so Enjolras was quite content with being in town as he was. They had lunch together, Grantaire insisted on paying. Saying the lady never pays. 

They found themselves walking by what was some sort of speaker. Enjolras stopped, Grantaire thought it a bad idea. Someone, with a rather large crowd, speaking very well about women's vote. Enjolras was enthralled, Grantaire was not. He'd been so enough of these 'social gatherings' in his own travels and had never stumbled upon one that didn't break out into a fight.

He kept close to Enjolras, not wanting to spoil his fun but not wanting to get caught in something. And as if on cue a group of drunken men came in, punching the first man they saw. "Sir, we better leave."

"Why what's going on?"

Grantaire was shoved away from, as he attempted to get back to him he saw Enjolras get pushed down. The sound he'd made when he hit the cobblestone made his whole body shiver. But soon he was back to Enjolras, picking his limp body up and hurrying him to the car. Blood began matting his perfectly styled hair. Grantaire began to panic. To the doctor was his first thought. But he'd know Enjolras, he'd wonder why he'd been in a dress. 

He couldn't do that to him, not after he'd already done this. So he got him in the car. Drove to a more secluded area and began dressing him as a man. The only thing he'd taken off was his dress. Knowing Enjolras liked a certain level of privacy. Trousers on, shirt on, vest on. He then sat him up and inspected the gash. Bleeding had slowed, luckily.

He was not a mile from the doctor's so he chose that over home. Grantaire was biting his fingertips and knuckles the whole while. Watching as they disinfected and dressed Enjolras's head. "And you are who in relation to his lordship again?"

"I'm his valet."

"Why are you in town with him then?"

"Oh uh, his father wants us to be good friends. He thought why not spend a day with me and such. But he stopped at this feminist gathering for the vote and a fight broke out."

"I see. And eh...I don't mean to presumptuous but...it appears he's wearing make-up. It's not my place to--"

"Yes it does doesn't it. Well thing is that's...all natural. Strange."

"Most women would kill for that. Most men would kill to be rid of it...Well, we've alerted his home, you can take him back just as soon as a nurse writes everything up."

He nodded and sat by Enjolras's bed. Watching his chest rise and fall. Praying desperately, not something he did normally. Or ever. But a few minutes later, after promising to attend church three times Enjolras's eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times and groaned before Grantaire grabbed his hand. "How do you feel?"

"...What happened?"

"A fight broke out, you got knocked onto the cobblestones. You really scared me. The doctor says it's merely a flesh wound thankfully."

"Oh no, the dress--"

"Don't worry sir, you're in men's clothes."

"...I am?"

He looked down at himself to confirm. He then tried to remember if he'd had time to change into men's clothes. "You changed my clothes then?"

"Well, you've still got quite a bit on underneath but the dress itself is safe in the car."

"I am...very grateful to you."

"It's my duty sir."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Upon being taken home Enjolras got scolded by his father for being in such a riotous area. Grantaire however got verbally beaten to a pulp by Enjolras's father. Saying he never should've been trusted, he hadn't the intelligence or physicality to protect his son. Enjolras didn't let that go on very much longer. He took Grantaire up with him to help him out of the mishmosh of clothes he was in. Half-woman half-man.

After the trousers and shirt and vest were gone he was in his slip and sitting on his vanity stool while Grantaire worked the blood from his hair with a wet cloth. "Don't listen to my father, he's a bit protective when it comes to his son."

"I understand...though I should've been able to prevent this."

"Don't do that to yourself. Please. I had a wonderful time today."

"...I did as well sir."

"...Do you want the women's vote?"

"Of course, who doesn't?"

"Well that's one thing we can't relentlessly argue about then."

Grantaire smiled and nodded. For once he didn't feel like Enjolras's bane. Tonight he felt like a friend, a confidant of the most personal things. Soon all of the blood was out of his blond locks. Grantaire gently brushed through it all and tied it up. "Grantaire...are you really not bothered by my...habit?"

"I've a few unhealthy habits of my own."

"...I see...unhealthy."

"Yes sir, I'm just glad that your habit is a nice one."

"...How is this nice?"

"It's...just...nice to know that even rich people are still human."

"This does not make me human, it makes me a freak."

"No sir, it doesn't. It makes you interesting."

"In your opinion."

"My opinion may be ahead of it's time but it's correct."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean...I believe there are many different types of ways to be a person. I believe someone can be a man but in a woman's body, someone can be a woman in a man's body. Someone can be neither a man nor a woman, someone can be both. I believe there is no end to how we can love each other. despite gender or sex."

"You are ahead of your time. And I don't think I've ever respected an opinion more in my entire life."

"Thank you sir. I just wish a few more people agreed with me."

"One day, Grantaire. Sometime in the future everyone will love each other how they wish to. But for now I hide my dresses."

"A shame really, you look better than most women I see."

"Flattery will get you no raise in pay, Grantaire."

"Your lordship, I was wondering how far you take this...female quirk?"

"Okay, now how do you mean?"

"I mean would you prefer I call you Misses?"

"...That's thoughtful, I am not a woman in a man's body unfortunately but that is thoughtful of you. I know I'm not making that a very strong point but I am a man at heart. You know...when my father first hired you, before we had met I thought you'd be a pain in my side, constantly making work for himself at my expense. But you're different."

"In more was than one I'm afraid."

"One day I'll understand what you mean by that."

"I should be so unlucky."


	6. Chapter 6

After their outing, Grantaire and Enjolras became good friends, within reason of course. Grantaire had been given permission to check out books from the house's library. Enjolras would suggest a few, he'd read them, they'd debate on the themes, the undertones, the characters. Everything imaginable. Until Enjolras was fuming and Grantaire was giggling. 

Of course many thought him unprofessional for this. They'd never say it to his face, never resent him for it, but it wasn't right in their minds. They had a guest now, Lady Cosette. She couldn't be walking through the halls to find Grantaire prattling on with Lord Enjolras. But they all loved him to pieces, they couldn't spoil his fun now.

Well, Montparnasse could. As they sat down for dinner he spoke up, everyone sucked their teeth and rolled their eyes. "You can't just speak to him like he's one of your drinkin' buddies. He's your boss, treat him like it."

"...But he never says anything about it. He seems to rather enjoy my company."

"Yes well what about his father eh? The one who pays ya? What would happen if Lady Cosette found you arguing with him and said something. He'll think you've lowered this house's standards and out ya go."

"...But if he wants to argue about something I can't very well say no can I?"

"...Ya know speakin' of Lady Cosette, has he said anything to you about her?"

"Not really, why?"

"He's supposed to marry her, she's been here...what almost a month and a half, and nothing?"

"She's meant to stay clear through the summer, it's only just begun."

"If you ask me he's probably---"

A voice from behind him made 'Parnasse jump and nearly swallow his cigarette as he fumbled to stand with the others. 

"I'm probably what Montparnasse?"

"Nothing sir. Can we help you with anything?"

"Oh yes. Grantaire! Christine never loved Raul and you know it! She was selfish and uncaring!"

Grantaire exaggeratedly rolled his eyes and groaned at that. "She was torn between the love of her life and an outcast she felt responsibility for, that's the whole point of the story."

"No she was torn between a pretty man and the man she truly loved. She didn't want to leave him because he was of a good family and everyone would agree with it. She didn't want to risk marrying a freak because she's shallow!"

"Did you even read the book?"

"Did you?"

Grantaire just smirked at how frustrated Enjolras was getting. "You storm down here to tell me that or is there something else?"

"...Uh...Well I guess I'm ready for bed. Oh and Éponine, Lady Cosette's ready too."

She shoved the remainder of her food into her mouth and hurried up. Grantaire was about to do the same when Enjolras stopped him. "I can wait."

"The whole point of my job is that you don't have to wait."

"I'm a big boy. I can wait."

He pulled a chair out, across from Courfeyrac, next to Combeferre and Montparnasse, who knew he was on eggshells. Combeferre picked the conversation back up, talking about the latest political scandal about a fake survivor of the Titanic surfacing, wanting some inheritance. Grantaire sat back and watched Enjolras rant about how terrible it was when people do such things. Smirking slightly.

Courfeyrac then decided it was time for his latest joke. "Alright everyone, the boys from the school down the street taught me this one. Why do people go to bed?"

They all sighed until finally Bahorel asked. "I don't know, why do people go to bed?"

"Because the bed won't come to them!"

"...That was even worse than last time."

"Oh please! That was hilarious."

Enjolras laughed slightly. Grantaire loved the way that laugh made his heart race and skip. He hurried along with his food in hopes of eventually getting him alone. "Did you hear about the archduke?"

"Who hasn't, with all that 'black hand' business."

"We'll be going to war soon."

"Don't be too wary milord, you won't be called up."

"Who said I don't want to be called up then?"

"I didn't mean to offend."

"...Though you're right. My father would never allow me to enlist, wouldn't risk the only heir of his dying off."

"At least you're willing to go, few men can say that honestly."

Grantaire almost choked at the thought of Enjolras at war. Enjolras was far too...not too delicate, for he'd seen Enjolras throw a punch or two before he fell that day at the feminist gathering. Not too delicate for war but...too special. Enjolras was not like other people, he was above. Sending him to war must be a crime. Sure, he'd like to do his lot but to risk someone so special, so good, it simply couldn't be done.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Enjolras continued war-talk until they got to his room. Saying he wished with all his might that his father would let him go, but apparently they'd already had this conversation. Grantaire reminded him that there was no war yet. "It just doesn't seem fair. I'm sure many men who are only children will be going."

"Sir, I do not mean to disagree with you but...I wouldn't want you out their either."

"Why on earth not! I'm a wonderful fighter, I'm brave, I'm--"

"I understand all of that, I truly do. But...I don't know if I could bare the thought of you in such a place."

"...And why is that?"

"I've known you a short time, but I do care for you. I don't want my sisters going off to war neither, but I don't have to fear them enlisting while my back's turned."

"Which is why we need feminism--"

"For this I'm glad. I don't want my sister in danger. Or you."

"...Couldn't bare the thought?"

"...Would you like your hair plaited tonight or not?"


	7. Chapter 7

That morning, over breakfast, the impending war was discussed. Grantaire was acting as a footman, Courfeyrac had somehow managed to get himself food poisoning then promptly managed to vomit copious amounts of whatever the hell was in his stomach on Combeferre. This task would typically fall on Javert but he was busy polishing silver for the umpteenth time. He said something about it being good practice for when Grantaire got demoted. 

"I'm sure Cosette agrees with me, there is no reason for you to enlist." Enjolras's father was just as stubborn as his son unfortunately.

"I want to fight for my country, I can't be a coward back home."

Cosette felt a fight coming on and spoke up. "It's not about being a coward in my opinion. It's knowing where you're needed. If your parents lost you they'd be absolutely broken."

"...This same situation will happen to so many others who can't weasel their way out of it."

"But luckily you can, why cause your mother the grief of dying before her child?"

Enjolras receded at her words. She knew his soft spot would never be his father's worry, but his mother's. Minutes later his father left to do this or that, he didn't say. "Cosette, this is my friend---pardon--my valet, Grantaire. Filling in for Courfeyrac."

"I've met him a few times actually. We played chess and he almost beat me."

"Oh...Well how is your beau then?"

"His name is Marius, you're always forgetting. He's wonderful. He's well on his way to being a solicitor."

"Grantaire, I don't know if Éponine told you everything but Cosette has her own love down in Manchester. He's filthy rich, I don't see why her father objects."

"Grantaire, he objects because Marius was not raised by his rich grandfather, rather his cut-off parents. They refused the money. So when they died a few years ago he came into the money with his grandfather's care. He's not...exactly...well-trained I suppose. He's polite but the general customs of our class are new to him. That's another reason I fully intend on marrying him."

Grantaire laughed slightly at the thought. He'd had a friend, Marius. He'd often been a hopeless romantic who believed in finding his one true love one day. To imagine someone like him attempting just a dinner somewhere like here, almost too funny to fathom.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Enjolras spent enough of his time with Grantaire to wonder about what he did when they were apart. So while he read in the library he caught Combeferre and Courfeyrac on their way downstairs and demanded to know more about him. Courfeyrac saw this as a wonderful opportunity to do anything he wanted but Combeferre warned him against it. 

"What would you like to know?"

"...Everything."

"Well he drinks far too much."

"I've already scolded him for drinking his liver to death."

"He's...a fantastic artist. He draws constantly, we'll all be talking at dinner and he'll have a sketch book out. It's amazing."

"...And does he have a girl?"

Courfeyrac laughed, far too loudly. Grantaire had entrusted a certain bit of information to Courfeyrac and Combeferre in the interest of it not blowing up in his face. Combeferre elbowed Courfeyrac, hard, he stopped and tried to stave off the laughter. "No, no girl."

"And what is his true opinion of me?"

"He thinks you're very smart, very passionate, very loyal and generally a good person."

"And what is both of your true opinions of me?"

"Exactly the same."

Courfeyrac giggled out - "Without the possible love bit."

"What?"

Combeferre elbowed him even harder and pulled him downstairs. Leaving Enjolras to overthink everything alone, once again. 

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

It was early June. The rumblings of war had gotten much stronger. Enjolras was constantly complaining that he'd never get to be on the front with the rest of his country. Grantaire would never admit the real reason as to why he was so glad Enjolras would never be called up. 

That night Enjolras had taken out most of his frustrations by running all over the estate on his horse, Achilles. So now he was in the bath. Grantaire listened to the off-key version of one of Enjolras's favorites. He sat with his back turned, smiling at how terrible Enjolras would sound to most, of course to Grantaire it might as well have been opera. "You know Grantaire...I think I should enlist, it just feels right."

"Sir...I understand the need, the want to fight but...you are not as expendable as the rest of us."

"Every life--"

"Let me finish. I don't mean your life has more value, though in some people's eyes it does...but rather your family has the most to lose with you. If say I go to war and I die. My family loses an extra, what, five pounds a week maybe. They lose a brother and son and so on as well. But we'll all be losing things like that. If you go to war and you die your family loses their only son, the only heir to this grand place. With you comes the reign of some distant cousin whom no one's ever met. Who will most likely ring in a new round of staff."

"...I've thought of all that, I have. But it feels selfish to stay here."

"...The officers in town, who are attempting to recruit, told me something that stuck. They said being a soldier is similar to being one grain of sand to a beach. Saying that every day tons and tons of sand is washed away in the tide. Most unknown. Saying that unless one is truly of more use on the front than at home one should join. Otherwise the home front is in need of support as well."

"A recruiting officer said that to you?"

"In confidence when I asked the true requirements."

"...I appreciate this Grantaire but I still...I have to enlist."

"...I understand, sir."

"Oh damn, will you hand me the soap please?"

Grantaire heard Enjolras shift in the water. He'd brought his knees to his chest, in an effort to better cover himself. Grantaire wouldn't have looked anyway. He picked up the wet soap, handing it to Enjolras who seemed rather embarrassed to be naked for some reason. 

Soon Grantaire's eyes were closed as Enjolras stepped into the towel. Wrapping it around himself, thanking Grantaire, and hurrying back to his room to get in some state of dressed while Grantaire drained the tub. Grantaire found combing through wet hair was much easier to some degree. "I suppose I'll have to cut it."

"Why's that?"

"I can't imagine men looking up to someone on the front looking like I do."

"Don't be silly. Your hair is practically a commodity, to cut it would just be irresponsible."

Enjolras smirked, got that look in his eye and turned on the stool to face Grantaire. "Grantaire, do you suppose if you get called up...I could enlist and we'd be on the front together. My father could pull strings."

"I suppose it could work but if you go to war I wont be protecting our country, but you. Turn back round, half your hair is still tangled."

Enjolras did. Staring at Grantaire through the mirror the entire time. Grantaire was determined to let it slide, to not notice, to ignore the dagger-like eyes. But Enjolras was making him very much nervous. Enjolras didn't seem to realise it, though he wasn't exactly an expert when it came to human emotion. "Grantaire why do you care so much for me?" 

"Oh...many reasons."

Enjolras stood and faced him. They were of near exact equal height. Grantaire couldn't break the intense eye contact that Enjolras provided. Enjolras still did not realise how uncomfortable he was making Grantaire. "I'm sorry I got lost in thought."

"No problem sir."

 

~~~~~~~

 

War was declared. It was no surprise. Cosette would be staying with them much longer now. She'd been trained as a nurse and would be helping down at the local hospital. Months passed. Someone had pulled strings it seemed. No one in the house had been called up yet. All waiting for it. Waiting for that green letter in the mail. Nothing ever came. 

Until, mid October. Three green letters arrived. Courfeyrac, Bahorel and Grantaire. Both stared at each other in fear after having been down to the hospital to help Cosette. Courfeyrac and Bahorel wrote home, like Grantaire. But he was fully intending Enjolras to be the second person he told. And though he didn't send for him, Grantaire found this a time where he could just go to Enjolras. He was in the drawing room, reading the latest news.

"Grantaire?"

"Sir."

"...Are you alright?"

"Yes, sir. Just fine. I've just...wanted to tell you that I've been called up."

"...You've...good thing I already enlisted then huh?"

"Sir, you can't be serious?"

"Did it two days ago."


	8. Chapter 8

Grantaire liked the idea of going through bootcamp with Enjolas, Courfeyrac and Bahorel. But found most of that fantasy shattered after they'd all had their medicals. Letters arrived for them all stating whether or not they were fighting fit. Courfeyrac's read no due to his hint of asthma that was worsened in cold air. Bahorel's read no as well due to his flat feet and inability to rotate his left arm fully. Grantaire's read yes. Despite his drinking and smoking he was technically fighting fit.

He'd no sooner read the letter than Enjolras had sent for him. He hurried up the stairs to his room where Enjolras sat, staring at the letter on his bed. "Are you going then sir?"

"...No...apparently I have a minor heart murmur. Not life-threatening but wouldn't want to agitate it with war." He was obviously infuriated with himself that he couldn't go but the relief that washed over Grantaire was overwhelming.

"...I'm sorry sir."

"What've the others, are they going?"

"Courfeyrac's asthma and Bahorel's arm say no."

"...And you?"

"I've always wanted to visit France."

 

~~~~~~

 

Grantaire was off for training. Enjolras spent most of his time staring while he was gone. But he continually reminded himself that he didn't have to worry. Grantaire was only in training thus far. No one got blown to bits in training. But of course, training wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later Grantaire would be taken to the front. Where the danger of being blown to bits was all too real. And he could do nothing about it.

So he stared for days on end. Everyone had grown worried for him but he would accept help from no one. Content to just stare and wonder. Until finally Grantaire came back for a quick visit before he was deployed in April. He drank with the servants, ate his last home-cooked meal for a good while and listened to Courfeyrac's last terrible joke. Éponine had since perfected her poker face and beat Grantaire for the first time. "Oh, the kid's bell's ringing R, better go say your goodbyes."

"He probably just wants a book suggestion."

"Oh don't be stupid, we all know you're his favorite. You better come back alive or he'll die of depression."

"I fully intend on coming back alive, thank you."

"I mean it R, if you die he just might end it. Ever since you've been at training all he does is stare out of windows. Us too honestly, you've really livened the place up."

"...I'll do my best alright."

He never liked the thought of this. He knew it'd have to happen at some point. But to say goodbye to Enjolras was all too painful. Nevertheless he ran to Enjolras's room. Once inside Enjolras wrapped his arms around his neck. The closest Grantaire had ever been to him. 

Enjolras hurriedly apologised and straighten himself out. Slightly blushing. "You look good in uniform."

"You seem worried."

"Of course I'm worried but I won't worry you further. I'm sure you've done that to yourself enough."

"...Sir...there's something I wish to tell you before I go. Just in case I don't make it back--"

"Don't talk like that, you'll be fine. Think positive thoughts. Visualization and all of that good stuff." The fake-positivity quickly left his face and it was back to a worried expression.

"Just in case...Sir, I'm different. I don't...look at women like most men do. I like...other men."

"...Oh...That's new isn't it. Well...Do you have a beau you'd like me to get in touch with?"

"...No...but thank you for not immediately firing me."

"You've seen me in a dress, I can't very well judge you for this." 

"...Thing is sir, love happens whether you beg it not to or not...and sir, I am very much in love with you."

Grantaire's out-of-body experience began now. He watched himself watch Enjolras sit back on his bed, shocked. Wondering why the hell he'd said anything at all. He could've died with the two of them on good terms, he didn't have to ruin it like this. Then, despite his efforts to stop it, Enjolras's eyes welled up. Grantaire had never regretted something so strongly in his life. He sighed, preparing to back pedal, as Enjolras roughly wiped his cheeks. "I'm...sorry sir, I'll just--"

"Why the hell didn't you say something sooner? Now you're going off to war and...damn it Grantaire you're so difficult!"

"...What are you saying?"

"Don't take this wrongly, I do not share these feelings. But you're making it so much harder to let you go to war. I say let because I very well may drag you back by your ankles. Damn you. Why couldn't you just've told me you hated me and left." Enjolras groaned as his eyes welled. Trying to hide them. Debating on calming and letting the tears abate or not calming and letting them fall as he killed Grantaire.

"Don't be sad--"

"I do not cry for sadness, I'm crying because I'm so frustrated with you! God you're both my worst enemy and my best friend! Now you're going to war and--dammit."

Enjolras roughly wiped his face and took a few deep breaths. Grantaire still slightly confused as to where this left them. Enjolras then stood and paced. Grantaire wondering if he should just leave now and avoid further humiliation. "You idiot."

"I've only told you now because I may die..."

"Good Lord. You can't be serious. You were never planning on saying anything?"

"I didn't realise your reaction wouldn't be to kill me."

"Of course it wouldn't be. If for no other reason than I owe you everything. Please, please come back alive Grantaire. If you don't...Who am I to yell at in your absence? Who'll plait my hair without pulling it? Who'll actually read the books I suggest? Certainly not anyone I've met."

"I'll do my best sir."

Enjolras laughed slightly and pulled back. Just enough to kiss him. Chastely, quickly, nervously. But it was technically a kiss. He then immediately let go and apologised. Grantaire didn't hear, he was in the middle of wondering how Enjolras's lips were so impossibly soft. "I shouldn't have done that, it's not fair to you. God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I'm just very frustrated with you."

"Not fair to me? It's really not fair to you. I'm the ugly one, the stupid one, the worthless, unlovable one. You're perfect."

"...Is that what you think of yourself?"

"That's what I know of myself. Goodnight sir."

"...When do you leave tomorrow?"

"Far too early, even for a morning person. I'll get my leave and visit. I'll stay alive."

"Please do. Don't be a hero."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I want in life is comments, so please, if you feel like it, comment

The fear that hung in Grantaire's chest on that train ride began to physically hurt. He was surrounded by men from his training who were equally terrified as they clung to photos of their loved ones. Grantaire feared war as one should but was glad to have left no loose ends. Enjolras had put on a brave face the night before but as soon as Grantaire had left he collapsed into tears.

As if Grantaire had already died. Enjolras was trying to be hopeful but he knew what happened at war and it wasn't pretty. Something Grantaire soon found out. The trenches might as well have been hell itself. Living in constant fear the way he did, the way they all did. He'd only been there a week or more but he was already praying to be killed with a clean shot or sent home. 

Enjolras was spending most of his time reading Grantaire's recently-read books. Over and over, in the library. He'd only been gone two weeks and Enjolras was already a depressive wreck. He wasn't sure why. He sure as hell didn't love him back but...even so they were still friends. Or were they. Grantaire probably just humored him, he was his boss after all. But Enjolras had never had a true friend like Grantaire. Combeferre and Courfeyrac decided to help Enjolras out of his deep-thought state. Enjolras was the type of person who rarely initiated anything. Other than political debates that is. So he probably needed quite a bit of prompting. Both hurried in. "Sir, have you a letter for Grantaire?"

"What?"

"Well the staff has all written letters to him, we're sending them in three envelopes to make sure he gets most of them at the very least. Would you like to write something to him?"

The look on his face told them both that it was working. He solemnly nodded and walked to the desk, uncapping a pen and staring at a piece of paper. He began scribbling just as they left. To make sure no one read it Enjolras delivered the letters himself. Praying that he'd get them all.

And two weeks later he did.

He was terrified and shaken and broken and damned but when he heard he had mail his spirits instantly lifted. He rushed to receive it. Two notes from his sisters and mother. Stating they were praying for him and their village was doing so much work for the men lately, it wore them out. Éponine told him of how obnoxious 'Parnasse was without Grantaire to put him in his place. Courfeyrac, Bahorel, Feuilly and Jehan all listed the activities they'd be performing once he was home or at least on leave. Combeferre's listed all of the oddities Enjolras had picked up since he left. 

Then came Enjolras's note. He'd saved it for last and was hoping it was worth it. 

'Dear Grantaire, 

We all miss you back home. All we do now is worry for you. I'm sorry we can't write more often than this but with so many restrictions nowadays, rationing and all that. I hope you're well. It's strange going back to plaiting my own hair, hurts so much more. I'm trying to keep this light so I apologise if it sounds mocking in any way. But in all honesty I personally miss you a great deal. You have no idea how much of my dignity it takes for me to admit that. And though I may not love you I do care for you. I've re-read that book, yes, Christine loved Raul dearly. Silly of me to think otherwise. I wish I could be there with you, truly. War bonds men like nothing else. But please don't fret over me and my stupid loneliness, it's selfish of me to even tell you about it. Please stay as safe as you can, don't be a hero, be a survivor, for my sake, for your family's sake. Despite what you think, your family's, your friends', worlds may stop if you get hurt.

\-- M. Enjolras

P.S. When you get your leave I have a book for you, the arguments we'll have will damn near make you vomit with frustration.'

Grantaire felt safe again. Smiling at the note, reading it over and over again. Folding it up and keeping it safe. Wondering what the hell Enjolras could surprise him with that would make him vomit. He did his best to keep himself from imagining the worst but in war the imagination has a tendency to run wild. A month or so later he was able to write back.

And he thought very carefully about his words. Finding three pieces of paper to disperse among the staff and Enjolras. Two envelopes. 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

And two weeks later they arrived. One letter for the staff, one for Enjolras. He'd written a two-paged note to all servants downstairs. Trying to convince them all war was fine, not a big deal. It might've been more to convince himself though. It was at breakfast when Enjolras received his. Cosette was saying the hospital was in dire need of more antiseptics and Enjolras's father agreed to have all necessary items in as soon as possible.

Courfeyrac then lowered a platter with Grantaire's letter and a letter opener. "Mail for you, sir."

Enjolras, his usual dazed self these days, nodded and took it. Then froze at the return address. Looking up to Courfeyrac who just avoided eye contact and smirked. He hurriedly excused himself and ran out to the hallway, beckoning Courfeyrac and Combeferre. They stood in the library begging him to open it faster. Complaining that their letter didn't contain enough about his actual feelings on his new life.

"Okay it reads. 'Dear Enjolras, I didn't put in a lot about my actual war-experience into the staff letter. You will not find any more information in here. That being said, read this alone.'"

Combeferre and Courfeyrac shot their arms up exaggeratedly while Enjolras smirked and warned them to get back to breakfast before his father had them all beheaded. Then Enjolras was free to return to his letter. Heart racing he began again. 

'Dear Enjolras,

I didn't put in a lot about my actual war-experience into the staff letter. You will not find anymore information here. That being said read this alone. I'd really like to thank you for writing. Hearing from you has helped keep my spirits up over here. I'm fairly low ranking at the moment and all the higherups get first dibs on all of the stamps. Sorry for how late this finds you. Sir, I would like it if you stopped moping over something like me. You should be happy that no one else was called up, not sad that I was. And I greatly understand the loneliness. I feel so very friendless out here. As if I've been plucked from reality. It's all so different here. You can make friends but we're all in the same boat. The few friends I have made have both been shot dead while here. I wish this damned war would end, I wish I could come home. I came here hoping to be brave for my country, but I find that everyone is just as scared as I. None of us truly know what we're in for until we're dead it seems. But this fear keeps me alive and on guard, and I know I have a chance of seeing you all again. 

\--T. Grantaire

P.S. Just in case I am not able to write again, I remind you, I love you. I also remind you I wish you no obligation to return the feelings, but it is because of my feelings that the thought of you being angry that I exist keeps me going.'

Enjolras carefully kept his note hidden from any danger in his room. But despite Grantaire's wishes he found it very hard to be happy. Every morning, such a monotonous feel. His father, with his military connections, was able to keep everyone informed on Grantaire's whereabouts. It was now early April, he'd been gone for about 3 months. Grantaire had been on leave a few times but was too terribly needed in surrounding villages for soldiers with whom he'd fought with. All in hospitals, begging for answers from him.

But he wrote. Enjolras saved each letter. They were the only things keeping him sane Cosette was telling about how terrible some cases at the hospital were. Enjolras decided that instead of staying at home and staving off depression all day he'd help at the hospital. He'd work.

Cosette was glad to have his help. So were the soldiers. They hadn't seen women in a while so Enjolras worked just fine. They began receiving more and more depressing cases. Ending in death, suicide, mutilation, paralysation, amputation and so on. It was hard to watch it all day, but if this was what he had to do then so be it.


	10. Chapter 10

He was feeling rather fulfilled by late 1916. Nearing the end of December. They hadn't heard from Grantaire for months though he'd been gone nearly two years. It seemed like a lot all put together. But Enjolras was living month to month at this point. Wasn't worried about the big picture, just worried about Grantaire's letter. Enjolras was constantly asking to be told where he was, for recently he'd missed his monthly letter. Curious and scared his father pulled strings. And at dinner he found out. His father announced he'd heard word from Grantaire's superiors. 

"And?"

"...It seems that...late December last year he was captured whilst on patrol."

"...Captured?"

"Presumably. He may very well be in any nearby hospitals, scrambling to get people to give him one measly stamp."

"...If he were captured would he be dead?"

"Not necessarily son...but we can always get you a new valet."

"A new valet?! You think that's what---you are so unbelievably unfeeling and cold sometimes."

He stormed out and up to his room. As he was frustratedly pacing and trying his best to stop the tears he found himself doing the unthinkable. He kneeled by his bed and closed his hands. "...Ehem...Dear Lord...I realise we have not been on good terms for quite awhile now. That's my fault....obviously. But...Lord if I have any good karma left, any good deeds saved up...any reason for you to listen to my prayer...please bring him home safely. That is all I ask. It doesn't have to be terribly soon but just safely. Please. Alive..."

He then roughly wiped his eyes and found himself, for once since the war began, sleeping soundly. It was definitely the divine intervention that had done it. For ever since Grantaire had left he'd been tossing and turning, waking up every hour, on the hour. But that night he slept the whole thing through.

That same power got him up without a fuss. He sat at breakfast, ready to go for the hospital. Cosette already gone. Enjolras was eating alone. Staring at his food intermittently. "Something wrong?"

"God 'Ferre you scared me."

"I've been in here the whole time."

"...Sorry. I'm just worried and...dreading the hospital."

"Why's that?"

"Grantaire's...doing God knows what. Considering how careless he can be...I've seen so much gore working there and it makes me fear for Grantaire."

"We all fear for Grantaire. Every night at dinner we find ourselves talking about him or sometimes to him before remembering he's gone."

"No one up here but me worry over him."

"That's how he'd want it. He wouldn't want to disrupt the family and all. Trust me he likes to make the least fuss as possible."

Enjolras smirked and nodded in agreement. "You know 'Ferre, I just read this wonderful book."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Enjolras stopped moping so much. He once even ate dinner downstairs. It was a big secret from Javert and it made them all giggle when they brought it up. Enjolras shared some of his book suggestions with Combeferre, though he saved the best ones for Grantaire's return. Which got him thinking. How was he? He'd put so much stock in the Lord making sure Grantaire got through it that he nearly forgot one actually had to check up to know of any news. His father said he'd continue his search.

A week later there was still no sign of him. Enjolras withdrew into himself, depressed and anxious. Combeferre tried to pull him out of it but it wasn't working. Enjolras tried to be as happy as he could for the whole staff was putting on a brave face but it was just so hard.

Enjolras was getting ready for bed. He was desperately attempting to brush through his tangled hair, catching all the way through. The brush got stuck, he collapsed on his vanity in tears of every emotions he'd just experienced. Stopping only when he heard the door creak open.

"You alright?"

"C-cosette...Yes, I'm just...brushing my hair and failing miserably."

"I can see...The tears are from where?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"That is a flat out lie. You have not been fine since Grantaire left. I thought you making a friend downstairs was going to help but no...Enjolras I know you're upset and scared. One of my good friends has been called up as well and it's awfully terrifying but trust that what is meant to happen will happen."

"...I just can't keep him out of my mind. I'm constantly wondering if he's even still alive and...it becomes hard to take."

"...I understand."

"Right, I'm sorry. I don't mean to assume my pain is worse...He's in love with me you know."

"Not surprising, you're gorgeous and he likes men."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"He let it slip once, made me swear to secrecy...Do you love him back?"

"...No...I can't lie to him to lift his spirits either but...Does it really matter if he's dead in some Nazi camp as we speak?"

"Of course it does. Please attempt to get a goodnight's sleep. We have new patients tomorrow morning."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire wasn't what one would call imprisoned. He was by the technical name imprisoned but he wasn't chained, he was fed and they seemed to be trying to find a translator for him. They wanted some tactic. Grantaire was in the midst of delighting in the chocolate they'd treated him to.

Sure it hadn't been all daises. There'd been copious amounts of torture before they seemed to notice none of it was getting to Grantaire in the slightest. He now sported a few scars that he hadn't the resources to help fade.

The only thing he truly did not enjoy was water torture. But again, compared to the front lines this was nothing. They couldn't kill him and risk losing the plans, but he just didn't seem to care. Soon enough they found a way to make him care. When the plan backfired the germans ditched him and a local hospital picked him up, searched his dogtags and sent him to the hospital nearest his listed address. 

And, perhaps, at the exact moment of backfired-plan, Enjolras felt a terrible chill and tremor. He dropped all he was carrying, which had thankfully been just blankets and sheets. But soon he was sick and shaking and scared. But telling himself his mind was simply playing tricks on him. 

Enjolras was unusually shaky that night at dinner. He was pale and in a coldsweat as well. His father noticed and didn't ask. Cosette had given him the chance to ask first but found he wouldn't. "What's the matter?"

"...Oh...earlier today I just got a wave of sickness. I'm just...worrying myself into a tizzy it seems."

"About that, I was waiting until you were in better spirits to tell you this but we're getting a wave of soldiers in next week to fill the remaining beds. Also...it seems a resident of this village has been transferred over to our hospital after escaping capture."

"...Cosette that's not funny."

"It's not a joke! He's coming back. They've given him permanent leave."

"...Doesn't that just mean something's terribly wrong with him then?"


	11. Chapter 11

While Enjolras waited for Grantaire's return he found himself, everyone found him, to be less depressed. Probably the same amount of happiness seen before the war. Something much of the staff and Cosette had dearly missed. And while he looked forward to seeing Grantaire again he feared what he'd see. A missing limb? God forbid it be his right hand. No he mustn't think like that. 

He forced positive thoughts on himself the whole week through until finally Monday came. Enjolras and Cosette were the first at the hospital. Many patients still asleep even. The extra help was needed anyway. After assembling the extra beds and making them up they saw the busload of men arrive. Most unconscious on stretchers. Enjolras, not being a technical nurse, could not make his presence known to someone who could report him.

So he stayed glued to the window. Watching as man after man was carried inside. He began fearing that maybe he had seen Grantaire. Maybe he'd seen him and was unable to recognize him with the long wait. Tears of frustration and guilt began stinging his eyes. To not recognise the man he'd supposedly been fretting over for nearly a year. But now he had to direct officers to beds, help patients off of their stretchers.

He casually checked them all out. No Grantaire among them. Until third from last. Cosette was helping carry despite the men saying she was free to let someone stronger help. She swore she could carry him by herself if they'd allow it. Enjolras took a few deep breaths in relief. He knew that face, how could he forget it honestly. Though now it was covered with healing cuts and bruises and blood. As was most of his body. 

Had he not known Grantaire so well he probably wouldn't have recognised him truthfully. Cosette got the remainder of soldiers in on her own while the nursing staff tending to the new arrivals. Enjolras was filling out charts. Eyes constantly glancing back to Grantaire. He had apparently been unconscious since he'd been brought to the hospital. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

Finally things began dying down. All conscious patients were bathed and clothed in new pyjamas. Unconscious patients as well, though that took more effort. Grantaire looked much more like himself all cleaned up. No blood spatters to disguise him. The nurses who'd bathed him documented what would no-doubt become scars later on. Across his stomach, down his left thigh, and along his collarbone. But Enjolras had a feeling he wouldn't be too bothered by them. He sat by him staring while Cosette finished most everything up for the night. She then clapped him on the shoulder with a smile. 

"He's not waking up tonight. Try to get some sleep would you?"

"...What if he wakes alone?"

"There are nurses here constantly. Come on, time to go home."

"...You're right, I'm no use to anyone if I'm falling asleep all over myself."

 

~~~~~~~

 

He and Cosette were once again the first to reach the hospital. And the day after that, and throughout the week. Enjolras stayed late and came early. Always slightly frustrated and saddened that most everyone had woken aside from Grantaire.

He'd been in the hospital about a week and a half. Most patients were in physical therapy or napping. Enjolras had nothing to do but fiddle with his hair by Grantaire's bed. Then, as if from nowhere Grantaire sat up. Not graciously but fast and worried. "Grantaire...Grantaire it's me."

"Milord--"

He was cut off when he vomited. All over Enjolras's lap. Enjolras just clenched his teeth and rubbed Grantaire's back. Grantaire then flopped back down. "I'm so sorry sir, I--"

"It's fine, it's fine. How do you feel?"

"...Like...hell I suppose."

"I suppose."

"I was rather hoping I'd die and never have to face the embarrassment of facing you after making my...feelings clear."

"I don't care about all that...That's...I do care but it doesn't change our friendship. So be glad you lived. You've gotten permanent leave."

"...Does that mean I have no legs or something?" He looked down, beginning to twitch his limbs. Everything hurt so he stopped.

"All limbs are accounted for. Apparently the mental abuse you may suffer afterwords is not something they want in the field."

"But I'm fine--"

"You're fine, you fought for quite long enough, and you're back. Don't complain if they offer you free counseling."

Grantaire smirked. Enjolras managed to towel himself off some before excusing himself to find something else to wear. But he was back soon in trousers that were much took short for him. Grantaire laughed as he saw him walking back, finding that any movement, even laughing, hurt like hell. "What hurts Grantaire?"

"Oh...you know...my body."

"...What happened then?"

"The germans got me. It was a rookie troop I suppose. Not one spoke English so they attempted to torture information out of me but I spoke no german so even if I had been yelling all battle plans they wouldn't have known. They treated me well while they sent for a translator. Once they found out I wouldn't tell they started the torture back up. But what got me home was this minefield. They were making me walk it for not answering, their version of freeing me. One went off accidentally and blew everything away." Grantaire glazed over for a moment then quickly snapped out of it with a smile.

"Next thing I know...here I am."

"You transferred hospitals."

"So you've become Florence Nightingale?"

"I needed something to fill my days and to argue by letter with you just didn't have the same affect."

"...Do I, by any chance, still have a job?"

"If you want it, it's yours. I never got a replacement so it should be easy."

Enjolras spent the next week while Grantaire recovered bringing books and keeping him informed on all of the staff's gossip. Grantaire didn't care at all for the gossip, just the conversation with Enjolras. Enjolras would prattle on about books he wanted Grantaire to read while Grantaire just nodded and smiled up at him, mesmerized by him. Having not seen him for near a year he had a lot of time to make up for.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It was time to come home. For some reason the other staff had been forbidden from visiting him in the hospital. Enjolras had too but sneaked away everyday, not wanting to burden Grantaire with worry, he kept that a secret. Though dodging Javert wasn't exactly easy. Grantaire was once again used to walking and was glad to be going home. Cosette on one side Enjolras on the other. Jammed into one of the cars.

Silence filled as Grantaire stared out the window. Taking in the familiar sights. Cosette didn't want him getting too nostalgic and upset. Having seen so many soldiers do the same. Contemplating why they'd not dodged the draft, why they'd not moved away, now they had to deal with the horrors they'd seen. She broke him from his reverie.

"We have a party tonight, a big one. Sorry if it overshadows your return."

"Oh, it doesn't mater to me. I'm not a member of the family, it'd be silly to warrant a welcome party."

Enjolras and Cosette found it strange that none of the staff welcomed them home as they drove up to the house. Enjolras said they were probably frantic considering how many dukes and lords and ladies were coming. They walked down the stairs to the servants' quarters and kitchen. Grantaire wincing slightly at his bruised knee with each step. Enjolras stepped in first, they all stood and waited for whatever his highness had to say. "No no, don't stop for me---I just---Grantaire's back."

After Courfyerac attacked him with a hug and Grantaire screamed bloody murder Enjolras reminded them all he'd been blown up essentially. No crippling hugs were to be allowed. Enjolras got lost in the crowd as Grantaire's true friends began talking to him about what he'd missed and asking how he was. He hurried upstairs with Cosette to get ready for this damn party. Some fundraiser for the troops.

Enjolras was dressed and ready in minutes. His father had given up on Enjolras's wearing a suit and tie seeing as they always overpowered his slender body. But eventually he had a few made for him. Enjolras hated them terribly. He always felt so out of his element in such grand clothes. He had just managed to get everything tied and buttoned when his door opened. "Grantaire, you can't expect to work on your first day back."

"Apparently I can. That butler of yours has assigned me to third footman for the party."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I miss working. Do you need me to braid your hair?"

"I would."

"Have you learnt how to do it proper since I've been gone?"

"I didn't want to. Cosette did it for me sometimes, mostly I just tied it back."

"No surer way to get it tangled than that."

Enjolras rolled his eyes as he felt familiar hands running through his hair with a brush before intricately plaiting. The familiarity nearly bringing him to hysterical tears. He tied it all up and draped it over his shoulder. "Thank you...And you're sure you can work as third footman? If not I'm sure--"

"I'm sure I can...Even if I can't who's to do it? You?"

"...If you need to lay down or need a rest of some sort just tell me."

"Yes I'll whisper it to you as I serve the fish."

"Well I don't see why not. Either myself or Combeferre or Courfeyrac. Just don't wear yourself out your first night back."

"I won't sir."

"Don't call me sir. I feel we've become closer than sir."

"How do you figure that? I've been away for so long." 

"We've kept in touch and somehow we've managed to pick up where we left off and I'm glad in that. We are friends. Now, call me Enjolras."

"...Isn't that against the rules?"

"When we're alone you may call me Enjolras."

"I better get downstairs...Enjolras."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever and I'm sorry. Finals and Christmas and this vacation I'm taking overshadowed everything. I pinkie swear I'll be good about updates from now on.


	12. Chapter 12

Enjolras smirked slightly as Grantaire served him fish. Grantaire did his best to stop himself from doing the same. Grantaire was then posted against the wall with Courfeyrac and Combeferre, pretending not to be listening in on their conversations.

"Actually my son's former valet just came home from the war after being taken by the Germans."

"Amazing, well done son."

Grantaire smiled and silently thanked him. Enjolras smiled at him as well before speaking up, wanting to give Grantaire the attention he deserved. "He went up three ranks while over there you know? And he survived for two full months under german torture. Came back with just a few cuts and bruises, thank God."

"Don't bore our guests."

Enjolras was more confused than offended that his father had cut him off. It wasn't as if anyone was uncomfortable, it wasn't a strange topic. "Must be strange having a veteran soldier serve you."

"Oh, this is only for tonight. His parting gift if you will."

Grantaire hoped Enjolras wouldn't yell 'what' but it was Enjolras. His mother jolted and tried to laugh it off for the sake of their company. "Since when are we throwing him out?"

"Since a very much reliable source told me what he is."

"What is that exactly? I think we all know he's a soldier."

"...Actually everyone it's a rather funny story see...this footman, my son's valet, is a hopeless person in general, which is why he's wandering into service with no references. I've just recently found out that the dope has fallen in love with my son."

The table all laughed while making the face one pulls when something rather taboo is discussed. Grantaire was wounded, Enjolras knew, but he wouldn't show it. He gritted his teeth and looked down. Whispering over to his father quietly and angrily. "Father really, how can you be so cruel."

"You knew then?"

"What does it matter?"

"Point is I'm not having one of his kind in this house. For God sakes I mean his room is right by every other male staffers' rooms. It's not fair to them. But to switch him to the women's side wouldn't be fair to them either."

Grantaire had never known such a great deal of shame for who he was. Never been so embarrassed by it. A whole room of dukes and duchesses laughing at him. Courfeyrac looked to Combeferre, both shaking their heads, neither had told of Grantaire's orientation. Though neither had known of his love for Enjolras either. But who had told then?

"It's silly to think about really, I know. But son, you should thank me. This man's been lying to you, dressing you without your knowledge, it's sick."

"I don't think it is."

His father continued his laughter while making a very patronizing eye-roll towards Enjolras who just clenched his teeth. As a story was told of how vile those 'creatures' were Enjolras continued fuming, ready to kill his father. Mainly because he knew his father was better than this. Knew he'd never judge a man the way he was doing so. His mother next to him put her hand on his knee. Whispering to him. "In the drawing room dear, if you argue here you'll just embarrass Grantaire further."

He smiled and nodded. Then did the same to Grantaire who couldn't manage to return the thought. Finally dinner was finished and they went through to the drawing room. Cosette left without a word, knowing rightly this was not her business. Enjolras's father had a tight grip on his arm, not wanting him to speak to Grantaire. It succeeded. Fortunately he didn't have that same grip on his mother. She looked much like him. Long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, a disguised toughness. "I am...so tremendously sorry for that Grantaire."

"...No worries milady."

"You're job is safe if you would still like it. His lordship is just a little bit of an overprotective father sometimes. I swear there is a good side in there somewhere."

"Of course milady."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Upon entering the drawing room Enjolas's mother found her son fighting with her husband already. At the moment it was quiet, an obviously hostile conversation though. 

"I cannot believe you would do such a thing. He's just come home from war and you humiliate him like that."

"I cannot believe you would know of his feelings and not strike him dead right then."

"Unlike you I am not the devil."

"Very smart son but he's leaving tomorrow on the nine o'clock train back to wherever the hell he came from."

"No he isn't."

That was the last quiet word between them. Enjolras's father harshly grabbed his face, squeezing his cheeks as if he were a child. "I am the master here! Not you or anyone else! I'm getting that filth out of here!"

After slapping his father he found his face freed from his vice-like grip. "He's staying! You're a horribly unfeeling old man but nothing excuses this! He'll stay whether you like it or not!"

"He's leaving!"

"I'll go with!"

The door opened behind Enjolras, the brandies carried by Courfeyrac and Grantaire. Combeferre behind them with coffee. "I suppose you like him because he accepts you as the freak you are!"

His mother tried to interfere at that shouting 'he's not a freak'. "You and I both know he is! He refuses to cut his hair, he looks like a goddamn woman half the time! He's a freak that we should've smothered!"

"Do it now then! Smother me because I am so sick of this life!"

Enjolras's father punched him, hard, he held nothing back. It made Enjolras's head slam audibly against the marble of the mantle. He collapsed on the floor. Out cold. Courfyerac was frozen for a moment but Grantaire and Combeferre pushed passed him, giving him their trays that he immediately put down. Grantaire wanted ever so badly to kill that man but knew it to be a terrible idea. Combeferre, being of a medical background checked his pulse.

"I've got one but it's faint."

"Is he bleeding?"

Grantaire gently got his hand underneath his head, cringing when he felt the warm wetness. "Not too much but some."

"Alright, Courf, go down and tell Joly to get some bandages and---"

His father then interrupted, still fuming. "You'll do nothing! Not you nor that trash there."

"Your lordship if we do nothing he'll...well if nothing else worries you if we cannot get to this carpet fast his blood will stain it."

"...Fine take him up."

Combeferre thanked him while Courfeyrac handed him a glass of brandy. He turned Enjolras's head, pouring it over the cut. He didn't wince at all which was worrisome. Grantaire then picked him up. "No no, you don't carry him, you do not touch my son."

Grantaire sheepishly nodded and managed to hand him to Courfeyrac who groaned. "He is deceivingly heavy!"

"Don't drop him! Give 'im back, give 'im back!"

His mother smirked to his father. "I guess he's the only one who can carry him."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

They were finally up the accursed stairs. Grantaire's boxing may have given him the strength to carry him, but those stairs sucked it all away with each step. Cosette came in with Joly. She smiled brightly at them all, along with Joly. They made quick work of properly disinfecting and dressing. Just a slight band of bandages wrapped around his head twice or thrice.

No one mentioned the cause of the fight, knowing Grantaire felt terribly. Instead Cosette and Joly went to announce that he was fine while Courfeyrac, Combeferre and Grantaire managed to get him out of his suit and tucked into bed. The other two left him to wallow in his guilt by Enjolras's bed while they were forced to continue on with the party.

Grantaire was slumped in a chair, biting his nails. His entire posture began upright and standing when his mother entered. She urged him to sit back down of course. "Is he really just fine?"

"Yes I believe so milady."

"I'm so sorry about all of this..."

"Me too milady..."

"I find it strange that you love him."

"And why's that milady?"

"Because...he's very peculiar sometimes with his dresses and his feminism and his politics. Most of his old friends grew tired of his constant debating."

"I rather enjoy the arguing. It's rather fun trying to convince him he's wrong...Pardon me but...you know about the dresses?"

"Who do you think bought him his first?"

"My my, how did that go over?"

"He was 9, he came into my room while his father was down in London. He simply said 'mother I wish to wear a frock though I am a boy'."

Grantaire couldn't help but laugh. Picturing the young Enjolras. "So very diplomatic of him."

"Truly. He's always been very feminine. Which is very adorable when they're young. To have a boy who loves dresses and plaits his hair whilst ranting about the troubles with patriarchy."

"...I'm sorry for all of the trouble I've caused tonight. I know it was meant to be a very special occasion."

"I don't care about those people. All they do is compliment each other on their money."

"I can see where he gets his rebellious nature."

"Strangely enough it's mostly from his father...I just wish his father could be proud of him. I've never known a braver boy. To be the way his is without giving a damn at all. I tell you, once we had a large dinner, much like this one, a few months before you came actually. He came down and was not in a suit but in these highwaisted pants that were a new fashion trend for parisian women. He had this flowy, long-sleeved shirt tucked into it. He argued that the outfit was unisex and that if a woman could be formal in it logic said he could too."

"Certainly sounds like him...Now that I think about it he was wearing that when I met him."

"He wears it as often as he can, trying to frustrate his father with the memory."

Grantaire smiled as his mother sat across from him on Enjolras's bed. "He told me that you took him out in a dress."

"Yes...is that okay?"

"It's more than okay. I'm so glad he's finally found someone he trusts. So far it's only been me who he's told. Though some of the staff heard about it. I managed to diffuse that, saying it was ridiculous and firing the woman who started it."

"You're a good mother."

"Thank you...Sadly I should probably get back to that dreadfully boring party. Goodnight Grantaire."

"Goodnight milady."

She left. He cried for all he was worth. He'd never so truly wished to have died in the trenches. Humiliated in front of a collection of people who already looked down on him. Now every other potential employer thought him a vile perversion of nature. In an effort to be kind to Grantaire, Enjolras had gotten hurt. He knew something terrible would happen and something terrible did happen. He didn't want to return to the staff's attic. He didn't want to hear about how he'd brought shame on the house from Javert. Didn't want to hear the sick jokes from Montparnasse. Didn't want to hear the reassurance from the others. Just wanted to unbutton a few of his buttons and smoke through the tears.

Smoking meant going outside. Where it was pouring. He couldn't think of anything more pathetic. He just kept crying. Virtually unable to stop himself until he heard the door open. At which point he refastened his buttons and stood, casually wiping his tear-stained cheeks. Great, Enjolras's father. "Oh, you're in here--"

"On my life sir, I was just making sure he was okay, making sure the bleeding had stopped and all of that."

"No no...I...I shouldn't have done that to you Grantaire. I apologise."

"No need your lordship."

"But there is need. That was very callous of me. I've never been...I'm not that man." He sighed and sat in the chair Grantaire had pulled to Enjolras's bedside. Staring at his son. "I'm just...protective I suppose."

"Your lordship...you know he feels nothing for me. He's said so. Doesn't want to lead me on I suppose. As if I had any chance in the first place..."

"That's the thing. I think you did."

"What...eh...sir?"

"I don't know...I don't know what he is. He's so alien to me. It's so hard to connect to him when he won't talk to me. I know he and his mother are close, I like that...but a boy should love his father too."

"Sir, there is no doubt in my mind that he does."

"Yes but he doesn't trust me. Not enough to tell me about this whole ordeal with you. And I've let him down. I found out and immediately assumed the worst. That you'd forced yourself on him or watched him in the bath or--"

"I would never!"

"I know that consciously...but when that awful chauffeur is saying how you adore him it's hard to think otherwise."

"Of course it was him."

"Bastard isn't he?"

Grantaire smirked and nodded while Enjolras's father pushed the hair from his forehead. "I swear, if he didn't look just like me I'd say he were adopted."

"Oh but he acts just like you. You're more alike than you think."

"I'd like to think that...I really would...Anyhow, Grantaire, I am so very sorry for treating you like a dog tonight. You deserve better, you've brought our family nothing but good tidings."

"Accepted easily sir."

"...Can I ask...how did he know of your feelings before I did?"

"I told him sir...I had it in my head that...if I told him before I went to war I'd have a sense of no-regrets and it'd make leaving easier for he'd stop caring about me. It backfired a bit."

"Yes well...while he may not love you he does care for you. He talks of you plenty. Of your art and your intelligence. He's asked me multiple times about getting you commissioned for your art and so on."

"I feel he's afraid I'll leave if he rejects me."

"He probably is."

"Well I can't convince him otherwise."

"He had a 'friend' I would say when he was younger. Probably his first real friend. He pelted him with pebbles one day because he'd asked to be his husband and Enjolras had said he wanted to be single forever. That awful little boy was ready to cut his hair when I called them in."

"That explains."

"I guess that may be why I'm afraid of you hurting him as well."

"How could anyone hurt him?"

"I haven't a clue."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Hours later when the house was to bed Grantaire was still by Enjolras's side. It was the least he could do after Enjolras had sat with him day after day in the hospital. He found himself brushing away stray strands of hair and kissing his clammy forehead to check for fever before falling asleep on his lap.

That was what Enjolras woke to. Grantaire's head buried in his stomach as he slept. He attempted to recall what happened. Ah yes. That explained the bandage wrapped 'round him. The dim light from outside told him it was just after dawn. Poor Grantaire would be so sore later. He ran his fingers through his unruly, curly hair. He shifted slightly into his touch in his sleep. Enjolras smirked and rolled his eyes before waking him gently.

Grantaire whined then sleepily blinked up at him. Smiling before realising he was not in fact dreaming and had fallen asleep in his boss's lap. "S-sorry I feel asleep in here my lord! I was not trying to come on to you--"

"Oh calm down."

"...Right."

"Sorry for last night, I really am. I don't know how he found out about that--I didn't tell a soul I swear."

"It's for the best...they all know, I kind of feel better like this."

"...Did you at the very least sleep well?"

"Ah, as best as can be expected in livery and a chair."

Enjolras laughed and nodded. Saying Grantaire should've just gone up to bed. "You should probably get up there soon before everyone starts talking."

"Sorry if this brings any rumors."

"Ah who cares?"

Grantaire thanked him for being so understanding until Enjolras was forcing him out of his room, telling to get his last hours of sleep in a proper bed. He did the same, dreading what would come when his father woke. And soon Grantaire was back, strategically replacing his bloodied bandage. Such concentration on his face as he did so. Enjolras threw together a messy braid, too lazy to try honestly, with the bandage and all.

"Alright, I'm going to breakfast, you're not fired, no matter what my father tells you."

"...I...Last night he gave a rather heart-felt apology. Even if he does still fire me I believe we are on good terms."

"A heart-felt apology? From my father? How much brandy did you have?"

"You know sir, I would...try to cut your father a bit of slack. Though he obviously doesn't show his emotions well he's always trying to protect you. You are his son after all."

"The cynic telling me of the good in people. How hard was I hit?"

Enjolras met Cosette on the stairs who just admired the craftsmanship on the bandage. Then it was time to awkwardly eat with Enjolras's father. The entire staff knew about everything at this point. Grantaire's orientation (which most guessed about after a while, though it was still being kept from the housemaids), Grantaire's feelings for Enjolras, and Enjolras's fathers feelings for both his son and valet.

So the entire staff, save the ever-loyal butler, was furious with 'his lordship'. Courfeyrac was stationed at breakfast this morning. When he saw Enjolras he felt determined to make that damned man at least guilty. After they'd settled in and the silence was killing them all Courfeyrac spoke. "Oh your lordship, I am told your son's blood has been cleaned from the carpet and the fireplace."

"...Y...Yes thank you Courfeyrac."

"Of course sir."

Cosette made a face of general discomfort as the silence continued. Enjolras kept making faces at her, trying to get her to relax somewhat but neither truly could. After about thirty minutes of silence his father sighed and threw the newspaper down on the table frustratedly, making them both jump. "I am sorry!"

"...You are?"

"Yes, I shouldn't have struck you, that's not who I am...How is your head?"

"Sore mostly, Grantaire said the cut looks good though." 

"...About him..."

That was when Cosette casually excused herself. Though she didn't mind confrontation she didn't like familial confrontation.

"He's staying. You've made him a laughing stock. I've never known that man to once be embarrassed or ashamed about who he is but last night you practically crushed him. Father imagine being in a room full of people you serve laughing about something you simply cannot change. Laughing at you while you serve them dinner."

"...I have...apologised in a way to him. I was...just...well it's no excuse and I will give him the option to leave or stay."

"Fat chance of him leaving for anywhere after the show we made last night."

"Son, I just...I wish I understood you better. I am doing my best, believe it or not, but you're so different from everything I've known. And I worry for your well-being around men like him."

"Men like him?"

"Men who are stronger mainly. But men who do understand what you are and who accept it. I fear you'll end up getting yourself misused too easily."

"I can handle myself--"

"I know that. I know that but I still have the right to worry. I'm a parent after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you comment I'd be really happy, throwin' that out there


	13. Chapter 13

After everything settled a little Grantaire was back to working. Though plenty of the hall boys and most of the outdoor staff were staring at him with conviction. Grantaire was too deep into his card game with Courfeyrac to notice. Finally Montparnasse got sick of everyone's glares going to waste.

"So Grantaire, upstairs says you're one of those kind of men eh?"

"What's it to you 'Parnasse?"

"I'm just saying that maybe we should find a different place for you. Wouldn't want you poisoning any of us."

"I'm staying."

"You're embarrassing this household you disgusting bastard."

Montparnasse saw everyone standing and sighed as he did so, knowing he'd just put his foot in his mouth. For these standing ovations were only performed for the members of the family when they humbled themselves to go downstairs. 

Grantaire wasn't particularly hurt by Montparnasse's words, mainly because by now no one listened to his opinions. They were always cruel and unnecessary and no one payed them any mind anymore. Enjolras was probably far more offended considering the most he ever heard out of Montparnasse was 'you're welcome sir'.

"Don't mind me, sit. I just wanted to thank Combeferre, Courfeyrac and Grantaire for not leaving me to die on the floor last night. It is greatly appreciated."

"Of course, if you die we're out a job."

"And 'Parnasse he may be different from you but he is far from disgusting."

As he left they all whispered about Montparnasse losing his job in a mocking way. He just grumbled at them to shut it, whining that he was always managing to put his foot in his mouth. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

Brushing Enjolras's hair that night was harder than usual. Not wanting to agitate the cut he had. Though Enjolras swore it was only the surrounding bruise that hurt and that was very slight. Nevertheless Grantaire handled him with the utmost care until finally he wrapped the bandage 'round and tied his hair up.

"Done!"

"Thank you very much R."

"How does it feel?"

"It's alright, I already told you so. Doctor said no concussion either. Stop worrying about it."

"...Of course."

"Oh stop moping, you didn't cause this."

"I sort of caused it."

"No you did not, now for the love of God smile."

Grantaire smirked and shook his head as Enjolras applauded him for being happy as he stood. Enjolras's pyjamas were as feminine as male pyjamas could get. Enjolras had the very unisex feel to him so why wouldn't his clothes give off the same aura. Of course he wasn't in a night gown or anything but it wasn't far from it. He flopped on his bed and rubbed lotion into his hands. 

Grantaire was admiring how beautiful Enjolras was and overthinking about what to say to fill the silence. "Sir, if you want me to leave you because of...how I feel I would not be offended. It's hard to be around someone who you don't return feelings for."

"...Well are you saying you'd rather leave than stay?"

"No but I just...Your father gave me the option and I was thinking maybe it'd be best. I'd really rather not be led on and I'd rather you not feel uncomfortable in your own home."

"Have I led you on?"

"No sir but when it comes to love I tend to be far too cynical mixed with optimism. It's a strange sensation and I try to avoid it as thoroughly as I can."

Enjolras nodded solemnly. More than anything Grantaire wanted to stay with Enjolras but if he'd never return the feelings it may very well just be torture. And he'd much prefer leaving on a good note than reading too far into something and ending up hurting them both. "I wish you'd stay. I really love you being here. I've never had a friend who is so different from me."

"I know what you mean...but I may end up ruining something if I stay much longer."

"How could you ruin anything?"

"I could...read too far into something and make a move or...something..."

"I won't mind though, I'd let it lie. Promise."

Enjolras stood, pacing as he tried to find a valid reason for Grantaire to stay. He couldn't return to arguing about books with his father who would eventually just grow tired and leave. He couldn't go back to how grumpy he used to be. Couldn't go back to being so ill informed about what the middle and lower class were really in need of. There was far too much at stake with Grantaire's resignation.

"Sir, I appreciate the sentiment but--"

"No if you made a move or mistook something I know I could forgive it."

Grantaire sighed and nodded. He'd never seen Enjolras quite so irrational but it was obvious that arguing with him would no longer help. Enjolras's irrational thinking furthered. He kissed Grantaire. He'd never been kissed before nor had he kissed another so he had no real idea about how to go about this. His hands went through Grantaire's hair as he attempted to figure out what the hell he was doing.

Grantaire wouldn't touch him back, Enjolras didn't know how to force his hands on to him. Grantaire soon gently put his hands against Enjolras's chest and managed to get him to back off. "You don't mean that."

"How would you know?"

"Because you don't love me."

"How would you know? You're not exactly adept to my feelings you know. Don't you think I might've kept this particular information from you?"

"Sir, you don't have to love me back. It's okay."

"Please don't leave."

"If it means so much to you I won't. But if you'd refrain from mocking me I'd be grateful."

"Mocking--No Grantaire. I wasn't trying to--I just want you to stay."

"But you don't have to do this for me to stay. Just ask."

"I'm sorry...I am. God, I'm terrible at romance aren't I?"

"Yes. But some find that endearing."

Enjolras smiled and blushed as Grantaire made for the door. "Oh wait! Cosette's father and beau are coming for dinner tomorrow. Be prepared for a sickeningly sweet relationship."

 

~~~~~~~

 

He thought he'd prepared for the sickeningly sweet love of Cosette and Marius. Javert let Marius and Cosette's father in. Javert and her father eyed each other before splitting away. Cosette was soon rushing to greet Marius who was rushing right back. Enjolras stood on the stairs. Leaning on the banister, overlooking the foyer. Rolling his eyes to death. Grantaire leant next to him. "What are we rolling our eyes about now?"

"That."

"Oh, come now, they're cute."

"A week of this Grantaire. A week of this."

"Could be worse...Aren't you meant to introduce yourself or something?"

"I don't feel like it. Her father already hates me for not wooing her to the point of leaving Marius. Why put myself in the middle of more of this?"

"Oh go say hello."

Enjolras huffed and floated down the stairs. He heard Cosette break from telling Marius of how she'd missed him to introduce him. Marius saw him, blushed, fumbled to shake his hand then squeezed far too hard. Enjolras just blinked slowly. He was much more socially inept than Cosette led on. "You're strangely beautiful for a man."

"...Thank you...I'm Enjolras."

"Oh right, Marius Pontmercy."

"Yes...eh, welcome I suppose."

Cosette then took her future husband and her father on the grand tour. Grantaire hopped down the steps, landing by Enjolras. Trying not to laugh as he repeated Marius's comment. Enjolras groaned and threatened to kill Grantaire for voicing any of the jokes he had ready. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

The first dinner wasn't terrible. Cosette and Marius in their own lovers' world. Grantaire was in the dining room again tonight. Courfeyrac had sprained a wrist. He seemed to have the worst luck...ever. Grantaire stood, waiting to serve thee desserts. Watching Cosette and Marius with such reverent jealousy. God how he wanted what they had. So terribly. 

Each time Enjolras looked up Grantaire was staring longingly at Cosette and Marius. He couldn't help but feel guilty. Grantaire's object of affections could never give him that. Then he felt guilty for feeling guilty, knowing Grantaire would just tell him off because it wasn't his fault. Grantaire leant down by Enjolras to serve the ridiculously extravagant dessert made by Joly. Enjolras tilted his head back to whisper to Grantaire. Luckily Enjolras's father was busy telling everyone about how wonderful Cosette had been to notice. 

Grantaire was expecting a funny jab at someone sitting at the table. He was ready to mask laughter. "I'm sorry we can't be like her and Marius."

Grantaire looked at him in sympathy. Feeling a similar guilt Enjolras felt. Enjolras smiled briefly as a courtesy then returned to facing Cosette. Grantaire couldn't wait to get him alone. They were adjourning to let the dining room be cleaned and to have their brandy and all that good stuff. Enjolras didn't want anything else said on the matter. But Grantaire caught him just before he hurried out with the others. "Enjolras, just wait a second."

"Can't you just let me feel bad about something for once?"

"No, I can't. What would make you think I wanted that to be us anyway?"

"You were staring at them all night."

"Well...Maybe I do want that ridiculously sweet love but not with you."

Enjolras was silent with confusion, and maybe slightly offended.

"Wait, that sounded--I only mean you don't feel that way. I don't want you feeling bad for something you can't control."

"You're too good to be in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate."

"Flattery will get you no where. Go drink coffee and brandy and all that, Enjolras."

A very stuffy form of Grantaire's name came from across the room. Javert. "Grantaire you do not address any member of the family in such common terms!"

Enjolras giggled as Grantaire tried not to smile before leaving for the brandy. Javert shut the door and prepared to tell off Grantaire. "You are new here still. A year away a few months in. I understand that war may have caused you to forget a few of the formalities in service. But to not only pull aside a member of the family but to address them as you would another member of staff is unforgivable!"

"Sir--"

"We all know you're partial to him but he is not partial to you! You may not speak to him as such or you will be fired!"

"...Yes sir."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Enjolras was laughing as Cosette's father told the story of when she was ten and used bits of bread to lead a squirrel into their house in an attempt to have a pet. Enjolras was waiting for Grantaire. Without Cosette he really had no one to talk to. He wasn't unhappy just a little bored maybe. The doors opened. Javert with the brandies, Grantaire with the coffees. Enjolras stood and hurried over to him. Taking a drink first. "You just missed a hilarious story."

Javert eyed him from across the room. Grantaire stiffened. "Ehm...milord I've been told to address you in a more formal manner lest I be fired."

"Oh...sorry about that."

"Not your fault sir. Can I get you anything?"

"No no, just listen to these stories of Cosette as a child, she hasn't changed much."

 

~~~~~~

 

The staff was worn out from the dinner. Currently they were sitting in the servants' hall, trying to stay awake as they performed chores such as mending clothes. Grantaire was shuffling his cards when Enjolras's bell rang. He stood and stretched before straightening himself out. "Remember Mr. Grantaire, he is high above you. Speak as formally as possible."

"Of course sir."

He rolled his eyes as he hurried up the stairs. Knocking on Enjolras's door before entering and shutting it behind him. Enjolras was seated at his vanity once again. Examining the almost fully-healed cut on his head closely. "Hello Grantaire...how does this look?"

"I'd say it's healed quite nicely milord."

"Enjolras, we're alone, call me Enjolras."

"I'm meant to speak more formally to you now. I'd like to keep my job."

"Oh, come now. That stiff Mr. Javert had no power of who stays and who goes. No one would dream of firing you. Talk to me like a human."

"If I'm fired it's on you."

"Yes yes, get me out of these clothes, they're so binding."

Grantaire sat on the end of Enjolras's bed as he put pyjamas on. Waiting to brush through and plait his hair. Finally getting the chance. Enjolras was clearly tired. His blinks slower. His eyes unfocused. Poor thing. "So how was her father?"

"Quiet mostly. Reserved, rather."

"Yes he seemed so to me too. Must be where Lady Cosette gets it from?"

"Well you know he's not her biological father."

"...No?"

"No he technically bought her when she was about eight. Her mother fell on hard times and had her living with these inn keeping people or something. She died and he...just took her in."

"How sweet...You'd never guess such an unfortunate start from her. She's so happy."

"Well he gave her a loving life. And now she has that doofus Marius."

"He's not a doofus."

"He's smart but he's...just...goofy I suppose."

"He's probably just nervous about meeting Cosette's surrogate family for the past year. Go easy."

"Yes yes. He just strikes me as socially awkward. I feel he'll cause a big mess at a fancy dinner or something along those lines."

"Probably. But I feel that despite the disaster he'll no-doubt cause, it'll be fun."

Enjolras nodded sleepily as Grantaire tied his hair. "That cut is healing like a professional. Good on you."

"Grantaire while I have you, what would you like for Christmas?"

"...Em...I wasn't aware the staff exchange gifts with the family."

"Oh that's right you were brand new last Christmas, you took off to see your family. Well we do. Every year we exchange gifts. It's usually more like...the whole family gives each member of the staff a gift. Not an individual exchange."

"Well...I'm sure your mother will come up with something. I'm no good at thinking of what I want."

"I usually try to find each a thoughtful gift but you're tougher to crack...Plus I'd like to get you my own gift this year. From just me."

"...Really?"

"I feel we're friends...I hope I'm not wrong in that assumption."

"You aren't. I'm just...afraid I won't be able to return the thought. I've got few funds and--"

"I'm not giving you something to get something in return. I just thought since most of your money goes back to your family I could be the one to force you to splurge on yourself. You deserve it."

"Thank you but...I haven't the slightest idea of what I'd want."

"I'll have to come up with something exceedingly thoughtful then."

"You'll just make the other staff upset with me."

Enjolras just rolled his eyes as he stood to turn down his bed. Grantaire started blowing out a few candles, turning off lights and helping Enjolras pull the heavy sheets over himself. "Goodnight sir."

He sleepily nodded in return before drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. Is anyone still reading?


	14. Chapter 14

Grantaire made his way up to the attics now, candle in hand. Trying to tell himself that Enjolras wanting to buy him a Christmas gift meant very little in the terms of romance, that he needed to stop wishing. He bumped into Montparnasse as he attempted to get to his room. "Why're you still awake?"

"Waiting for some excitement. You stay with his lordship's son for a very long time after the others have gone to sleep. Make one wonder."

"You're sick."

Montparnasse's tone turned from teasing to fuming. "You're the sick one here. You've told his father and Javert that you wouldn't dream of touching him but I know better. You're a drunk. Drunks are brutes. No matter what you say I know what you're really up to."

"I wouldn't--"

"I'm not chastising. I'm just giving fair warning that you'll get there second."

"What?"

"Goodnight Grantaire. Awfully unfair that us staff go to sleep last and wake first innit?"

A tired and confused Grantaire hurried to shut the door behind himself before falling asleep fast. Montparnasse was strange and borderline sociopathic but he'd never once hurt anyone they knew. There had been an unsolved murder a few cities over that had an amateur sketch looking too similar to 'Parnasse for comfort but as far as they knew he was innocent.

Which was the reason Grantaire didn't fret over his empty threats, no matter how menacing his lovely face was.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Christmas was fast approaching. Enjolras had told him he'd found him a present but would only give a creepy smile when Grantaire asked what it was. So on Grantaire's half-day he and Bahorel went out to find Christmas presents. Bahorel for his mother working a bakery a few miles up. Grantaire for Enjolras. He had no earthy idea of what to get him. And he hadn't told anyone of this trade of theirs.

"I think she'd like a new apron. I could stitch her one with new fabric."

"Sure...I don't really know your mother but I assume she'd like that, yes."

"Who're you shoppin' for then R? Will you finally tell me now that we're out of the house?"

"Fine but keep it under your hat. It's for Enjolras--er--Lord Enjolras."

"Why? I know you're new but staff isn't meant to give family gifts. We'd just give them something they could've bought themselves. That's why the tradition is just staffers getting not giving. It may seem presumptuous for you to give him your own."

"But he's told me he's gotten his own to give to me. I can't very well let 'im do that for nothing in return."

"He's what!"

"He said...we're friends now."

"Friends...You lucky bastard. If I were to tell a member of the family I fancied 'em I'd be thrown out so fast, and you get a personal present."

"It's not luck! It's a curse. He's probably gotten me something so wonderfully expensive and perfect. I can barely afford something ill-suited and cheap. I'm doomed."

"Don't fret, we'll find something. First let's get my mother's fabric."

After getting fresh fabric cut and wrapped they walked around looking for something that may have even the slightest bit to do with any of Enjolras's interests. "What about a book? You both love books."

"He has nearly every book he could ever want in their first edition!"

"So, not a book...What else does he even like?"

"Social equality."

"Do that."

"Fuck you."

"Sorry to leave you but it's not technically my half day, I have to get back."

"But what the hell can I give him?"

"Give him...something he likes, I don't know."

A dress was the first thing that came to mind. But that wasn't really what he wanted to make his gift about. That and any frock he could dream of affording would look awful. Any frock he could make would be wonderful but then the whole staff would know and he'd have spent a little too much and have no Christmas money for his family. Enjolras wasn't incredibly keen on make up so that was out. 

Still. He went back to that first fabric shop in search of something he may have a chance of using. "What you lookin' for son?"

"...Something cheap honestly."

"For a Christmas gift no doubt. Tell you what. We've got all the fabric she'd ever need to make her a dress. Let her mother do that. Buy her something she wants."

"Like what?"

"Like..ehm...these new hair ribbons we've just gotten in from Turkey and France. All colors, textures, patterns. Limited time too. Don't get another shipment until late June, even then, it won't be the same things."

"...Show them to me."

Red with lace. Dark blue with lace. Pale pink all lace. Pastel yellow all lace. Not too cheap at all but worth it. Enjolras never cared for what ribbons were in his hair, just as long as they didn't come out. "She'll love 'em. Honest."

"How exactly would you wrap these anyway?"

"Ehm...Let me find you a box."

He came back with a small black box that they had probably originally come in. "Alright, now, tell her they were bloody expensive."

"Of course...But do you think just hair ribbons are enough. It's obvious I'm no lord but even so...just ribbons?"

"Tell you what son, you promise to bring me your business, and the business of that massive friend of yours more often I'll let you in on a secret."

"Swear it. Tell me."

"Alright, well. There's a jewelry shop two streets over."

"I've already been in, it's much too expensive."

"Yes, yes. But I have a certain agreement with the man who owns the shop. We give each other customers in a sense. Because you're so eager to give this girl a wonderful gift I'll help you out a bit. Tell him I've sent you with the promise of a hearty discount and see what you can get."

"Oh--thank you!"

"Merry Christmas."

He rushed out and down. The small parcel in his jacket. After telling the owner he laughed and nodded. Saying he'd make this a Christmas gift and helped Grantaire browse for something he could afford. "How'd about a ring?"

"She...might take that as something else."

"Oh, right of course. Earrings?"

"She's not had 'em pierced."

"Bracelet's out, I'm assuming she works like you?"

"...Yes, sure."

"So necklace...Something she could wear everyday?"

"Sounds right."

"...So that eliminates that case over there. Personally I'd suggest these lockets. My wife designed them. Who knows women better than a woman?"

"...What would I put inside?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Let me wrap it up for you."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire got back to the house and pretended to be totally empty handed before hurrying to his room to hide the gifts. Then it was a matter of what-the-hell-do-I-put-in-the-locket. A picture of himself was definitely out. That's be strange for everyone. A picture of his parents were out, Enjolras would probably enjoy the gift much less if his parents were involved. What did Enjolras truly love?...Equality. He had it.

He was soon diving through the old newspapers he'd saved. He bought them from a young boy, Gavroche. A boy who sold papers for the boys who just weren't fast enough to get them sold on their own. Grantaire found the smallest headlines he could before carefully cutting them out. One was a small excerpt on the horrors of the war, and why is should be ended.

One the other he'd found yet another headline that read 'Feminism Spreading Like Fire'. Thought the headlines were small and meaningless to the readers of the paper Grantaire sincerely hoped this would be enough for Enjolras. It wasn't terribly expensive but he'd done his best. He wrapped the gifts as discretely as he could in Javert's pantry. Looking over his shoulder every few seconds. 

When he'd finally calmed and concentrated on wrapping the two boxes together the door burst open and nearly gave him a heart attack. "What in God's name are you doing in here Grantaire?"

"I-I was wrapping a Christmas gift."

"For whom? We've already wrapped the family's gifts."

"Yes of course...ehm...it's for my two sisters back home. I was planning on mailing them later. I just wanted to get them wrapped."

"Then why do you look so terribly guilty?"

"I...I wasn't sure about using this wrapping paper but I couldn't find you."

"Yes...well...always ask. Fortunately you've done nothing wrong other than wasting time during which you could've been working, wrapping a gift."

"Yes sir."

He scurried out and promptly hid the gift in his room. Heart still pounding. He'd no doubt be crucified for being too chummy with Enjolras. That night Grantaire told Enjolras of the stress of wrapping his gift. He laughed along, trying not to move too much as Grantaire brushed through his hair. "I did tell you you didn't have to buy me anything."

"If we are indeed friends I'd be a crap one if I didn't get you a gift."

"...Well...then give me a hint."

"Can't do that sir. Wouldn't want to spoil he surprise now would I?"

"Touché." Enjolras handed Grantaire a ribbon when he felt him getting to the end of his hair. Just as Grantaire remembered. It was growing threadbare from Enjolras's tugging and misuse. He'd needed new ones far too often before Grantaire started. He'd get so frustrated at his hair after brushing and plaiting it that he'd be far too rough with a delicate ribbon. His gift was more useful than he could ever hope to be. "Grantaire, I've a personal question that you should feel no obligation in answering."

"This should be good."

"Oh hush...I was wondering...Have you ever been with a woman?"

"What an odd thing to wonder."

"Well have you or not?"

"Yes, I have. Hated it. Are you asking me because you've been with a woman?"

"No...I just know I'll eventually have to and you seem just as opposed as me. I was wondering what your opinion on the whole deal was."

"Aren't you practically a woman yourself?"

"I'm a man! A...slightly...feminine man--but a man none the less!...Just...seeing Marius and Cosette have gotten me on edge about my father and his plans for my marriage..."

"You're too young to be fretting over something like that. Sit up straight."

"...You're right...So...Tomorrow is Christmas Eve Eve. Aren't you excited?"

"I'm not a child."

"Even so, I do love Christmas. It's the one time of year that my family gets together without starting things off with a loud fight...Though it does usually devolve into that."

"Get some good sleep sir. You'll have a few very long days ahead of you. A lot of schmoozing."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still reading? Anyone? Oh well. Also sorry for taking what seemed like seven years to update.


	15. Chapter 15

Christmas Eve Eve. The day most of Enjolras's family arrived. His father's mother, the dowager, who Grantaire had met and instantly loved was on the estate but for Christmas she'd be staying in a guest room. A single aunt came, no children of course. His mother's mother was off in America and regrettably couldn't make it back. Which meant that he only had an aunt, a grandmother, and an uncle coming. He was ecstatic. Fewer people to start fights. A few cousins came but they were either much older or much younger.

Enjolras spent his day greeting them all and catching up with them. Introducing Cosette, her father, and her beau. They all made comments about her continuing to stay despite her lack of affections for Enjolras. He continually stated she was family now.

Grantaire spent his day listening to a very stressed Joly bark out orders to get the Christmas dinner preparations prepared. Poor Joly, as if he hadn't been stressed out enough. Grantaire was running back and forth between the house and the village looking for random ingredients that Joly needed suddenly due to a slight recipe change needed after a discovered allergy from Marius.

Enjolras was blushing with happiness when Grantaire came in to his room that night. "I had a lot of real fun today Grantaire. It's been so long but I'm happy."

"Good for you. Perhaps there will be no fights at all this Christmas?"

"Oh...I wouldn't go that far...How was downstairs? Did Joly threaten to murder yet?"

"Not yet. He's close though. He's more threatening to dismember than he is murder."

"...Are you sure I can't have a hint to my present?"

"I'm certain. You can wait two more days."

"I don't know if I can."

"You'll have to."

"Even worse I'll have to wait until later that night because I have to spend the whole day with my family. The anticipation may kill me."

"Speaking of...when am I to bring it in?"

"Well...I don't want to ring you when everyone's downstairs, we're not meant to ring anyone during Christmas, it's Christmas for everyone so...when everyone's gone to bed just sneak away and I'll be here."

"Alright...but try to lower your standards for your gift, for both of our sakes."

He rolled his eyes in a very exaggerated way while Grantaire perfected the bow at the end of his plait. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Christmas Eve. Grantaire had never seen Joly so stressed out. It was terrifying. He was cooking for too many for too many nights in a row and he was ready to kill someone honestly. 

Grantaire didn't see Enjolras at all that day. He was helping Joly. Jehan and Bossuet were helping as well but it just wasn't enough hands. Night came. It got later. Grantaire checked the cakes once more before heading upstairs with the others. Enjolras hadn't rung him. When he checked on him he was sound asleep. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Christmas day. Lively as it should be. Joly's stress seemed to melt slightly as they lined up to receive the gifts their family had graciously given them. Though with most families the help didn't return the favor in this family they did. Not because the Enjolras's needed more but because the servants truly did love them. 

Javert was first. He got a book of law. That he would soon love more than himself. Down the line they went. Jehan was before Grantaire. Jehan would've been off-putting to the Enjolras's had Enjolras himself not had long hair and feminine traits. Though Jehan took that much further. Enjolras father handed him something large and floppy with something small on top. Enjolras warned the large floppy one was just more clothes.

Grantaire's turn. Enjolras's mother was handing Montparnasse his gift while Enjolras handed Grantaire his. It was small. Dense. Definitely a book. "Don't give me that face, it's a good one, you'll like it."

He smiled and nodded. Ripping back the paper with the others. 'Wuthering Heights'. He smiled at the title. Then looked up to see Enjolras grinning like an idiot. Only interrupted by Jehan gasping at his gift. A pendant. A beautiful pendant that he obviously loved. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

The servants had their feast at lunch. Joly having calmed for the moment. Then they served the evening feast to the family. Joly was stressed to death until all of the food had been eaten and everyone was cleaning while the family played charades in the library. 

Grantaire sat at the servants hall. On edge. Worried about Enjolras liking his gift. Montparnasse was sitting across from him glaring. "It'll be soon R, just you wait."

"What---I don't care. What'd they give you?"

"Oh, I got a few new tools and some new gloves."

"No fair, that's the most expensive one I think."

"Well when you add in the fact that all of those things apply to my job it evens out."

 

~~~~~~

 

Javert said a happy goodnight to them all. Grantaire waited until it sounded like they were all asleep before he quietly made his way down the stairs. Each creak betraying him. Finally he made it to stone stairs and shivered his way down to Enjolras's room. He nervously knocked on the door. Suddenly wondering if maybe Enjolras had totally forgotten about their arrangement. 

He opened the door. Enjolras sat on the end of his bed with his legs cross. Clutching his gift in his hands. Grantaire smiled and shut the door. Present in hand he sat next to Enjolras after the spot next to him was patted hard. "Alright, open mine first."

"Okay, do you want me to save the paper--"

"Just open it!"

Grantaire hurried and did. It was in a box so the outside gave him no indication of anything it might be. He wiggled the lid from the box and anxiously looked inside. Hoping to God his present would be good enough for Enjolras. Paint. Copious amounts of very expensive paints that Grantaire could never hope to buy on his salary. "I was told these are the best of their kind. If they're not, tell me and I'll exchange them for the best."

"No...no these are the best--there's so many of them...Wow. Thank you so very much sir."

"Glad you like them...Can I open mine?"

"Of course! Go ahead."

Enjolras noted the fact that Grantaire's gift was much, much lighter than his own. He prepared himself for receiving a gift with more thought than monetary value. Grantaire closed his box of oil paints and set them on the bed. Watching as Enjolras tore into his gift and relishing that funny sound he made when he realised there were two boxes. "Which should I open first?"

"Eh...this one, do this one."

Enjolras giddily opened the little black, flimsy box. His smile instantly fading when he saw what was inside. Grantaire was very worried his ribbons were a bad idea. Now that he thought about it Enjolras would probably have heirlooms or something. "These are hair ribbons..."

"Ehm...yes. I thought since yours are always getting worn with you...Now that I do your hair you can have...prettier ones I suppose...You don't have to wear them."

"Grantaire...I love them...Damn, now I wish I had gotten you something better."

"Wh--But your gift is wonderful. This was...honestly it was all I could afford. I just hoped you'd understand."

"Understand. These are wonderful Grantaire. Truly they are. Thank you."

"You've still got the other to open. Go on."

Enjolras took a deep breath and dove in. Turning his head away from Grantaire upon opening the black, much stronger, box. "A necklace."

"I know you're not a girl but I got it a rather long chain so it can be hidden if you ever wear it. It's a very thin chain as well so no one would notice."

"...And it's a locket."

"Well...yes, I filled it for you but that was more...You'll probably want to put something else in there."

He opened the locket and cursed. Grantaire, as usual, assumed the worst. He clutched his paints and watched Enjolras proceed to hide tears desperately. He'd scared him. He was doing it again, forcing his feelings on Enjolras and now he'd scared him. "I'm sorry--"

"No. You're not sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. This is the best present I've gotten today and I love it to death Grantaire, thank you." A strange silence set in. Enjolras admiring his gifts, Grantaire admiring Enjolras. Their eyes locked momentarily. Grantaire's heart skipped. He had to leave.

"Well...you probably need some sleep. I'll say goodnight."

"Merry Christmas Grantaire."

"Merry Christmas."

 

~~~~~~ 

 

The next day involved mostly cleaning up of the too Christmas-y decorations in preparation for New Years. Enjolras said that New Years involved much more dancing and livelihood than Christmas and that Grantaire should be prepared for a few drunken family members attempting to dance with him. Grantaire said he'd be just fine as long as he got a promised dance from Enjolras.

New Years night. All trying to stay awake despite having gotten up at ungodly hours. Grantaire didn't catch a glimpse of Enjolras until about 10. At the time he was dancing happily with Cosette. He looked well in a suit. He looked well in almost anything. Grantaire was roped into a dance with his grandmother soon enough. Enjolras never caught the longing gaze Grantaire had on him constantly. 

Grantaire realised what he was doing. He was waiting for Enjolras to notice him, to smile back or something along similar lines. He was waiting for Enjolras to flirt. Something that was not going to happen. Something that he knew would come with the false hope given in copious amount by Enjolras. Great. The only solution was obviously to quit. But Grantaire was just masochistic enough to stay employed. 

So here he was, staring at Enjolras as he tried to pretend to listen to this young woman's story. The song ended. Grantaire watched a few distant cousins scout Enjolras out for the next dance. Kiss his cheek and so on. Making him unexplainably jealous. He was no doubt bright green in the corner when Enjolras caught his eye and smiled briefly. Ending his current conversation to talk to Grantaire. "Having fun?"

"I am. You?"

"Of course...I'm wearing your necklace."

Grantaire just smiled. Trying not to read to far into that. "I have the next two dances reserved but would...the one after, would you like to dance with me?"

"..Oh...I don't think your father would like that. It's Christmas, let's not stir things up."

"It's New Years and I don't care."

"Let's just let everyone enjoy this without feeling the tangible tension."

"...I hate when you're right...Which is very infrequent I remind you."

"Sure it is."

The music started back up and Enjolras was pulled away. Grantaire watched as he moved fluidly with this woman. They looked so well together. A real couple. Smiling at whatever she'd said as he continued to lead. Grantaire needed air. Fast. It was snowing and very cold out but the cool air felt good. He sat on the snowed-over stone wall. It acted as a short barrier between patio and grass. The stone was colder than the air had ever been but he didn't care at this point. 

He was left alone for a few minutes before the glass doors leading into the library, were opened. A feat hard to accomplish. Sneaking away from the crowd and into the library that is. "Grantaire. Why're you out here?"

Enjolras walked over to and stood in from of him. "Sorry for making you worry. Go back inside, I'm perfectly fine."

"Bullshit."

"Language!"

Enjolras laughed and scraped the snow from the stone wall space next to Grantaire. Settling close and shivering. "I saw you leave, you looked like something was terribly wrong...Talk to me."

"...Who was that girl you were dancing with?"

"A potential wife. Nice enough. Her name's Elsa."

"Would you marry her?"

"We've been over this. I don't have terribly interest in women, a woman would think me a woman if she ever saw me in a dress, and I'm not much of a people person anyway. I'd drive her mad before the wedding."

"You seemed awfully close."

"That's why you're out here? You're jealous and sulking? Lord, Grantaire, sometimes I wonder if I've ever gotten through to you. I have nearly no interest in women romantically. I just don't. I'm allowed to be a nice host, friend, cousin."

"I realise I have no right to be jealous but I can't help it when I see you with people...so well-suited for you."

"I decide who's suited for me. Stop being so sour."

"I'm not sour."

"Come back inside, it's freezing out here."

"I quite like it actually. Reminds me of home. But you should head back in before your father kills us both."

"I can wait."

"So stubborn."

"Oh and you're not."

Grantiare laughed. Watching Enjolras grow more stubborn. Not wanting to syphon Grantaire's body heat, he was shivering in his jacket. Grantaire laughed quietly. Enjolras pretended he didn't hear it and looked to the sky. "It's not fair. In every cheap book I've read this is the part where we see a shooting star, make our wish and have the happy ending."

"Happy ending? What happy ending? This is life, there's no plot."

"Well at least a lift over a rough patch. Come on stars."

"Rough patch? You mean your potential marriage?"

"No matter what you say I can't just never get married. I have to carry out the familial line. So marriage is no longer something to put off until later. It'll be soon..."

"Oh...Does...does that mean you'll move out soon or--"

"Moving out preferably. I know where this is going and before you stutter and blush like a maniac, you are invited to come with me, unless you'd rather stay."

"Thank you."

"Of course...I guess we get no star tonight."

"Perhaps God thinks you can get over this on your own."

"Or perhaps he's got a funny sense of humor."

"Or perhaps both. Let's go inside then."

"Just a minute more. It's so quiet out here. I'd rather listen to it a bit longer."

"Listen to the quiet. You're a queer one."

"You know what I meant...Grantaire when I end up married to some young thing...I don't want you moping about it. I realise why you'd do so but...It's selfish of me but I can't have you moping. It'll be hard enough for me to be happy in this new life. I need all the help I can get."

"Of course...I'll do my best."

"No secret moping either. Just...be happy as best you can so I don't go absolutely mad."

"Very well...I still love you sir."

"I know you do."

A comfortable silence set in. Enjolras scooted the tiniest bit closer. Desperate for warmth. He then leaned on Grantaire slightly. Grantaire stiffened to support him. Bliss. This was bliss wasn't it. His bliss was quickly interrupted by the glass door to the library swinging open. "Dear me, it's cold out, and you've promised me a dance."

"...Coming Elsa."

"You too Mr. Grantaire, it's freezing out here."

Grantaire kind of smiled at the thought that she knew his name and was concerned enough about him to ask him in. Maybe her as a wife for his love wouldn't be awful. He watched the two dance together much more. All night it seemed. Grantaire grew depressed and jealous as he found himself the only one not dancing. Enjolras's father noticed him. Sitting down. Staring past his hands to the floor. He walked over and sat with him. "Hello Grantaire."

"Hello sir, lovely ball you've thrown. Though I can't say I'm surprised by how lovely."

"Thank you...Now if the ball's so lovely why are you here drowning your sorrows in my expensive wine?"

"...I...No reason."

"Elsa is a lovely girl. Smart, charming, sweet."

"Oh I know. I like her. She knows my name already. They'd be good together I suppose...But I can't help but feel a bit jealous...beaten...hopeless."

"I know this will be hard but...I simply can't have you getting in the way of it all. It sound heartless but it's what's best for him."

"I've told him that. Don't worry. I won't be meddling any time soon."

"Right...well I'm off to bed. Never been so tired in my life."

 

~~~~~~~

 

The others began filing out as well. Elsa would be staying the night, for Enjolras had graciously deemed it too late for her to travel home alone. Grantaire cursed him for being so considerate before watching her trot up the stairs gracefully. Enjolras turned to Grantaire once she'd gone. "Alright, you owe me a dance good sir."

"Oh, milord, it's so late--"

"I'll hear nothing of it. You lead."

He smirked. Couldn't help but swoon when Enjolras was like this. His first hand landed on his waist. He'd never really touched him this much, though it was just his waist. Just was wonderful as the rest of him of course. Enjolras snapped him back into it and forced him to lead as the music played. "You're a good dancer...I'm a frightful one."

"I've taken lessons when I was young. You're not that bad yourself though."

"...Oh I don't want to marry her. I'd never please her."

"Surely you would. You don't give yourself enough credit."

"You don't...I could never truly be married to her. My heart belongs to another."

"Scandalous. Who is this mystery woman?"

"I want to marry you."

"...Me? Out of everyone you could have you want me? Poor choice there sir."

"I'm sorry to be telling you this only to leave you. I've been debating it for quite some time but I can't not let you know my feelings."

"You don't mean them. Marriage is scaring you. Don't fret it milord."

"It's not scaring me. What's scaring me is that I've fallen for another man. And even as I stand here dancing with him he won't accept that as truth."

"I can't accept it as truth. I've done nothing to deserve something as wonderful as you in my life like this. I simply haven't."

"God has a funny sense of humor."

Enjolras pressed their foreheads together and smiled as Grantaire laughed. Grantaire still leading him through the lazy dance. Then a distinctly female voice called Enjolras's name. "What's going on?"

"Elsa. Eh...nothing. Just falling asleep on poor Grantaire here. Ever so tired. What was it you needed?"

"I was looking for someone to fetch me a glass of water."

"Oh...well...I'll send someone up--"

"No, don't bother with it now. I'm perfectly alright. Goodnight to you both."

Grantaire looked horrified beyond belief. Enjolras just held back laughter before turning the music off. "She'll tell--"

"She won't. She's a sweet girl. Now come on, I'm dead tired."


	16. Chapter 16

In what felt like a dream Grantaire followed Enjolras upstairs. Enjolras closed the door as fast as he could before approaching Grantaire with such conviction. Faltering as he realised he had no earthly idea as to what he was doing. Grantaire smirked and kissed him. Enjolras managed to kiss back without making a fool of himself. Grantaire pulled away. Enjolras's face was so focused. "I love you."

"Kiss me again."

He did. Fumbling to hold more and more of Enjolras. Eventually pushing him backwards on to his bed. Grantaire began hurriedly, and sloppily, attempting to get his trousers unfastened. Enjolras laughed quietly. Then jolted back. Putting his hands on Grantaire's, drawing him back up his body for another sweet kiss. "You can't make me just yet. I'm still too new to the concept."

"You're too proper to say 'make me'."

"You cannot make me a man just yet."

"Oh much better."

He laughed, running his fingers through Grantaire's unruly curls. "Either way, not yet. I'm sorry but just...not right now."

"I'd wait an eternity for you."

Enjolras rolled his eyes as he tried not to blush too terribly before he got ready for bed. Grantaire pulled the covers up on him. A sleepy Enjolras smiled up at him. "Happy New Year sir."

"You too Grantaire...See you in the morning."

He kissed his forehead before shutting lights off and blowing candles out. Carefully shutting the door quietly behind him. He started down the hall. Ready to proceed to his own room when he heard a high-pitched laugh. He followed the sound though it was out of his way. Cosette's door. He knocked and opened, hoping to get a peek of something good. 

He opened the door to find Cosette. Wearing a gigantic dress, a gigantic hat and far too much jewelry, balancing on high heels and laughing with Éponine in front of her mirror. "Eh...hello."

"You know you should put on some gloves too or that bracelet will cut your wrist off."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Enjolras was nearly asleep. Ready for a wonderful dream. His door opened. He smiled, not opening his eyes yet. Far too tired for that. Not entirely sure if the door had even opened. "Grantaire...go to bed."

"How sweet."

That was not Grantaire's voice and it scared the absolute shit out of him. He sat up. Feigned pawing for a light, managing to press the buzzer for the bell downstairs. Hoping someone was still down there. He did manage to get a light on. Montparnasse. "Why are you in my room?"

"Shut up."

Enjolras tried to get out of the bed. He was pinned far too easily. He was too low on energy for this. He couldn't fight back. "Get off!"

"Stay still! God!"

"Don't do it!"

"I'm going to."

"Why...I'll give you an advance on your wages--I'll give you a wonderful reference, you'll apply to be a butler--please just--"

"It's the principle of the thing now sir. I can't have Grantaire singling me out all the time. I can't stand him anymore. No one liked me before but now they're all ready to throw me out dead. What better way to get back at him than hurting his love?"

"You don't want to do this. You'll be crucified. Do you know who I am?"

"Do you know who I am? I've just about gotten away with every crime I've ever committed."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire had just perfected Cosette's ridiculous look with Éponine. "Oh don't I look lovely. Marius will be thrilled to have me as a wife."

"Oh wouldn't he. Alright milady let's get you to bed."

"You're no fun. Goodnight Grantaire."

"Goodnight."

"Oh, Grantaire, it's supposed to get colder still tonight. I would give the 'young master' another blanket or two. I know last night I was bundled up on myself."

"Thank you milady. I'll see to it."

Grantaire searched for and found the linen closet and grabbed a thick blanket out from the bottom. Not without nearly toppling the entire contents of said linen closet on himself. Then went back to Enjolras's room. Being ever so quiet as not to wake him. The door creaked. He saw there was a light on. He then stopped being so quiet, finding Enjolras awake. Then saw he was not awake by choice.

Somehow the covers had managed to be heaved off of Enjolras. Montparnasse sat between his legs, pinning his arms. He wasn't fighting. His head turned away from Grantaire, his long neck exposed at it's finest. "Montparnasse!"

He groaned and sat back. Letting Enjolras's arms go. Grantaire watched as Enjolras pulled them around himself. "Get off of him!"

"Spoilsport. Another night I suppose." He hopped off of the bed. Grantaire punched him. Grantaire dodged the punch back and managed to push him out of the room, shutting the door swiftly. Enjolras was now sitting up in bed. Looking at his exposed thighs with such sorrow. "What happened?"

"Nothing, you got here pretty soon...He just came in. I thought it was you but...wasn't..."

"Don't worry, I'll kill him."

"Why were you coming in anyway?"

"I thought you may need another blanket."

"Well...you answered my prayers...Will you...hold me or...tuck me in--"

"Of course. Of course."

He sat by Enjolras on the bed and pulled him into his chest. Holding him tight. Enjolras burst into tears. Grantaire rubbed his back and hummed an old lullaby that he couldn't remember the words to for usually his sister would sing with him. "You're okay."

"I couldn't do anything, I was so powerless."

"It's okay, it's okay. Breathe."

He took one good shaky breath. Grantaire squeezed him slightly, trying desperately to get him to calm down. It was working as well. He was tired and his body was relaxing for him. Grantaire massaged circles into the two spots on his back that his hands met. Urging him not to fight the sleepiness. "Did he hit you?"

"Yeah, my eye...it's okay for now."

"Shall I get you something for it? Ice?"

"No, no. It'll be fine. Did you hit him hard?"

"Very...and I intend to hit him harder later."

"Don't get yourself in trouble, not over me...I just wish I could defend myself in this matter."

"This matter isn't even about you. It's about me. I'll handle it. Don't worry one more second about it. You need sleep."

"I do...would you wait until I've fallen asleep?"

"Of course."

He played with his hair and told him stories on request until he drifted off. Grantaire slipped out of the bed, turned the lights out and rushed up to the attics to murder Montparnasse. Not caring of waking the others he burst into Montparnasse's room where he lay awake reading. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

The next morning, at breakfast. Enjolras hadn't rung for Grantaire that morning. Grantaire had beaten the everloving shit out of Montparnasse the night before. His knuckles all bloodied he went up to breakfast. Listening in for, being a valet, he had no business serving breakfast unless both footmen were dead.

Everyone was in there. Cosette, Marius, Valjean, Enjolras's father. And Enjolras was just walking in. "Goodmorning."

"Morning so--Christ! What happened to you?!"

"Oh...I eh...fell out of bed last night. Very strange no?"

"...And you landed on your eye and throat?"

"Well, I must've...rolled into something in my sleep. That's all."

They ate, continuing to talk about whatever they had been prior. Enjolras reached for something. The sleeve of his shirt drew up. Revealing the purple marks around his wrists. Marius saw them first, fortunately he made eye contact and Enjolras managed to communicate that he'd rather not talk of it. But it was only a matter of seconds before the others noticed. "Son, tell me what's going on. Has Grantaire--"

"No! It's nothing, I swear it."

"...Fine...You're old enough to fight your own battles anyhow."

 

~~~~~~

 

After breakfast, after everyone had begun clearing out Enjolras mad his way to Grantaire, waiting until no one would notice it. Grantaire jumped slightly and scolded him for talking to him. "It's my house. I may talk to you as I wish. Now...as humiliating as this is for me to say to you...I wish to read."

"You're not a slave to me sir, you may read without my permission."

"I know that! I was...I was wondering if you would stay in the room with me."

"...Of course if that's what you'd like."

"It is...I don't want to be alone is the truth of it and...I trust you won't mock me for it."

"Of course not--"

"Of course not...Thank you...Come on then."

Enjolras was reading some gargantuan book that he'd been tackling for the past month. He lounged on the couch. Grantaire stood, fixing his tea just the way he liked it. Then stood awkwardly. For the workers of the house were not permitted to sit in front of the family. Occasionally Grantaire sat on Enjolras's bed waiting for him to give up on combing his own hair. But that was in private, he dan't do that out in the open. He'd be fired by Javert on the spot. "If I've asked you to do it shouldn't you obey me?"

"I'm not permitted to sit. Much less on the same piece of furniture as you. I'd be hanged for certain."

"You'll get some sort of stress fracture standing there, come now."

"I'll be fine as long as I keep this job."

"Fine then, I'll stand with you."

"No, sir, please. Relax--"

"I can't relax with you hovering over me, and I can't relax with you gone. So sit with me."

Grantaire had never sat on the couches in the library. He'd fluffed the cushions once or twice but never sat on them. He cautiously sat right up against the arm and tried not to put too much of his weight too fast onto the couch. Once he finally relaxed in Enjolras laughed and leant up against him. "Don't be so tense or you'll be a terrible pillow."

"How funny you are sir."

"Oh lighten up please. I've asked you for comfort and damned if I don't get it."

"...How are you sir, honestly?"

"Oh...I'm alright. Just physical damage truly. Just physical."

"Neither of us believe that for obvious reasons. I don't know if you've seen Montparnasse but I beat him fairly well and I doubt he'll bother you again."

"You shouldn't have done that...though I can't say I'm surprised you did. I only fear I'll be looking over my shoulder for him for quite a while now."

"I'll be here for quite awhile. He won't come near you again."

"Mm."

Enjolras nuzzled closer to him. Both warming up by the fire. Grantaire relaxed and put an arm around Enjolras. Enjolras adjusted and easily accepted the contact. He kissed his blond curls a few times. Those curls smelled so good. He pulled him closer and held him tighter making Enjolras smile, though he couldn't see. Then a door opened. Grantaire stood fast and straightened himself out as Enjolras's father made his way in. "What the hell is going on in here?"

"N-nothing sir! Nothing! I was just--"

Enjolras stood and turned to his father calmly. "Must you chew him out? He's only doing as he's told. What was it you needed?"

"...I was...oh, coming to ask Grantaire if he knows of what's gone on with Montparnasse."

"How do you mean?"

"I'd ordered a car for Joly to go into town earlier and he's got quite a deal of bruises. I've been asking the staff but he swears he'd not gotten into another brawl in town. He's just so beat up."

"Perhaps he deserved it."

"Probably did, I only ask because of your knuckles' condition but that is probably unrelated...Now what was going on in here before I came in?"

"Oh I was just proving to Grantaire that sitting on the furniture would not cause him to implode."

"Right...Well, if you get anything out of that driver please tell me."

"Of course."

His father cautiously exited. Grantaire let out the breath he was holding while Enjolras tried not to smile. "What is so funny?! I almost got fired!"

Enjolras groaned out a fake apology while spreading his legs as far as they'd go in those pants. Grantaire blushed and looked away. Making sure to roll his eyes. Enjolras laughed and stood. Forcing Grantaire to look at him again. "Your job is safe as long as I say so."

"I highly doubt that."

"You're so cynical."

"You're just now noticing."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Three days passed before anyone asked anything else about the bruises on Enjolras, the bruises on Montparnasse. Grantaire had been so very virginal with Enjolras. Hardly any touching. Enjolras knew it was fear of both the recall of Montparnasse and the chance of being caught. Something Enjolras also knew he'd have to break Grantaire of.

He awoke on that third day. Went downstairs to see Elsa, Cosette, and Marius at breakfast before him. He apologised for being late. His father playfully scolded him while Cosette faked being insulted. Enjolras made a reach for toast. Revealing the hand prints around his wrist. Marius was the only one to notice and of course commented as a reflex. "Looks like that's healing quite well."

"Oh...Yes I suppose so. Though my eye's taking so long."

"How was it again you got all this?"

"I...fell out of bed. Childish I know."

"Perhaps you're more stressed than you let on."

"Yes perhaps."

"Though that looks rather like a hand around your neck."

Enjolras quickly began covering the bruise up. Laughing awkwardly and coyly. His father took notice of the strange shape as well and since Enjolras was not offering an alternative it did look rather strange. "Son what's gone on?"

"Nothing, nothing. Honest...Speaking of has Montparnasse given up what's happened to him yet?"

Topic changed successfully. Left as soon as was not suspicious and found himself searching for something new to read. Having finished his last book the night before. Still slightly reeling over the plot twists. Mad but willing to open his heart to another soul-crushing novel. After choosing he headed outside. It was nice out. His coat made it nicer still. He curled on one of the many benches and read as the sun warmed him slightly.

He was a good few chapters in when someone jolted his shoulders and made him scream. Grantaire laughed and walked around to sit next to him. Enjolras tried not to let on how terrified he'd been that Montparnasse was behind him. Tried to laugh along. "Why're you out here? It's cold."

"You're the one reading out here. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Just...fresh air and all that."

"There's fresh air on the porch you know."

"Yes but there's trees and all that good stuff out here. Javert may kill you if he sees you out here."

"He won't. He's busy telling off Jehan for being seen again. If he rolls his eyes any harder they may just eject."

Enjolras laughed and took a deep breath to calm his heart down. He cut himself slack, knowing three days was not quite enough to get over something like that. Grantaire scooted closer and forced eye contact. "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes yes. I think everyone's piecing together that I haven't fallen out of bed though. That these are handprints."

"Why don't you tell and get Montparnasse fired or imprisoned."

"Because if I do I'm afraid my father will think a similar thing of you and...I can't see you leave again."

"I don't know. If I left our relationship would be very Romeo-and-Juliet. That could be fun."

"Fun? They fall in love because of each other's looks. They get secret-married, have secret-sex, then plan to run away together. I can't run away my parents would be devastated. I can't drink poison or stab myself with a 'happy dagger'."

"I meant we'd have more of a forbidden love. Not such a star-crossed love. Isn't it said the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest?"

"Yes. But knowing you, you'd probably have a heart-attack from the stress of it."

"That's neither hear nor there. The point is it doesn't matter what happens to me. You have to get Montparnasse fired."

Enjolras deflated slightly and leaned more on the bench. It obviously wasn't as easy as Grantaire was making it sound and it was obviously stressing Enjolras out to no end. "Look, I'm sure your father would respect any wishes to keep me on after his chauffeur attacked you."

"And after the fire dies down. Then what? What if he deems you just...just too risky? Then what? I'm not living out the Shakespearean balcony scene with you."

"Your father is not a cruel man. Don't assume he is. He'll protect you or die trying. He'll already hate himself for knowing you felt as if you couldn't go to him. I guarantee he wouldn't betray any remaining trust by firing me."

"That's all well and good but what exactly do I tell him?"

"Enjolras. Just tell him he caused the bruises. That'll be enough detail for your father to fire him."

"Fine, fine. But I'm not happy about it."


	17. Chapter 17

Combeferre was asked up for tea a minute ago. At the time Enjolras had been settling in with his father. Combeferre was hurrying up. The door had been shut to the library. Odd. Enjolras usually made his father leave it open so the house didn't feel 'like such a compound'. Combeferre let it creak open and waited. "He what!"

"I don't know what came over him--it was so strange I barely reacted and...I got these bruises obviously."

"I can't believe this..."

"I tried to fight him off I really did...Oh papa, would you say something. Don't look at me like that."

"And how is it he got the bruises as well if it wasn't you who fought him off?"

"Grantaire...pulled him off and...helped me calm down which was shamefully harder than it should have been. Then he went to the attics and...apparently beat him half to hell."

"Well he deserved it...Why didn't you say anything--"

"Because I'm an idiot. I thought you'd assume that if a man with a sexual interest in women could do that then why wouldn't Grantaire."

"I am not that ignorant...Even if I was...Grantaire is so faithful to you despite all we've put him through. I'd be a fool to fire him."

Combeferre came in. Served the tea and pretended not to notice Enjolras wiping his tears. He then rushed downstairs. Just Courfeyrac, Montparnasse, Bahorel and Grantaire in the servants' hall. Combeferre slammed his hands down and demanded for someone to fill in the holes of what he'd just heard. "Gladly. Montparnasse tried to force himself on him. He didn't want to tell his father but I finally persuaded him."

"You sick bastard! What the hell is the matter with you!"

Montparnasse just rolled his eyes and took a long drag off his cigarette. 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Montparnasse was fired that evening. Told to leave by the next morning with two months' wages and a good reference. Enjolras said he'd only become the world's best criminal if they let him go with a bad reference. Of course his Enjolras's father still threatened to kill and destroy Montparnasse if he ever came near them again. The house was less tense. The bruises had all healed mostly and Enjolras was tried and happy as his hair was brushed a few nights after. "Enj...I'm really in love with you."

He just blushed and tried not to giggle like an idiot. "I mean it."

"I'm glad...I love you too R."

"...Seriously?"

"Of course seriously. What kind of awful person jokes about that?"

"Just making sure...Can I kiss you?"

"Please do."

Enjolras happily turned on his stool and let Grantaire kiss him. Grantaire gently cupped his face and slowly deepened the kiss. Enjolras cautiously led his hands to Grantaire's hips and stood with him. Pulling him closer. Grantaire's arms wrapped around his waist. Enjolras made a sound of approval and was lifted on to his bed. Legs wrapping around Grantaire as he climbed on top. 

Then Enjolras stopped him again. Panic in his eyes as Grantaire stayed above him, worried. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know...but not tonight."

"...Okay, sure...But are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Just...maybe need some more time."

Grantaire brushed the hair from his forehead and laid a kiss there sweetly. "I love you Enjolras, I love you very much."

Enjolras smiled and sat up with Grantaire. Kissing him once more before guiding him off. Grantaire tucked him in and ended up reading him the next chapter of the book he'd started a few days ago. Enjolras wasn't listening to the plot or the character development. He was listening to Grantaire's voice as his sleepy eyes desperately tried to look at him just a little bit longer.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Elsa was staying through the next day for she had business in town, that and she was technically being set up with Enjolras. Unfortunately he hadn't the energy to deal with her lately. Four days after New Years, Elsa was down for breakfast before the others. Much before the others. Grantaire was helping Courfeyrac set the table as he'd overslept some. "Has he really gotten any better?"

"I think so, last night he was---Milady! You're...here."

She smiled and waved slightly. "Hello. Sorry to be up and out here so early but I slept very well last night...Not to be nosy but has who gotten any better?"

"Oh um...his lordhip's son. He's been feeling a little...blue lately. But he's better. Don't worry."

"Perhaps the party cheered him up."

"I've actually mean since then--er...of course dancing with you must've really helped him."

"Or dancing with you."

That comment sounded innocent but her face was not. Courfeyrac didn't hear it but that comment was vicious. Courfeyrac hurried to serve her while Grantaire hurried to attend to his own duties. In the meantime Enjolras was down for breakfast. Cosette and Marius behind him. His father down soon too. Cosette clinked her glass to make an announcement. "Marius and I will be getting married very soon and...we've found nearby property that we'll be buying soon. So we'll never be too far from you all. I feel we're family now and it makes me so happy that I can be near."

"How wonderful 'Sette. You know papa, we should have her wedding here. It's been her home for so long."

"Oh! That'd be wonderful. Oh please Sir, please!"

He smiled and agreed. So Elsa, after breakfast, asked Enjolras for a walk around the garden. His father made a face and he reluctantly agreed. It was still slightly cold for a walk but it was warming. "Enjolras...We're meant to get married. You should propose to me."

"...Eh...don't you want to get to know each other first--"

"No, I want to be married. Propose to me."

"Now--"

"Yes now. You don't have to get down on a knee but I need to hear it from your lips, and it needs to be now."

"...Will you marry me."

"Yes. Good. We'll be married before Cosette and Marius do you hear me?"

"Yes, yes I hear you...Where is this coming from?"

"This is coming from you being fairly chummy with your valet. This is coming from me needing to have children soon. This is coming from my need of a title and a place in society. We don't have to fall in love immediately. I don't expect us to but...somewhere down the line I'd like it. Let's go and tell your father of the news."

 

~~~~~~

 

His father was elated. Overjoyed and excited. Elsa sweetly asked Cosette for the earlier date. Cosette hurriedly agreed, saying the earlier date would be her wedding gift. Enjolras was sort of floating throughout this. He was so shellshocked by Elsa's sudden assertiveness that he had no voice of his own as Cosette and Elsa went to planning the wedding. He was listening to them in the library. Currently being asked about flower preference. 

He smiled blindly and said whatever they thought was best was perfect. He then pulled for service. Javert came up, Enjolras asked for Grantaire. Elsa intervened. "What do you need him for?"

"I was just...going to speak to him briefly."

"You're always pestering him. Leave him be."

"It'll only be a moment."

"Why."

"...If you must know he's a rather excellent gift-giver, I need advice for you."

"How sweet. Then certainly go speak with him."

While Enjolras waited for Grantaire they spoke about who to invite. How to call her parents and extended family out and all that. Enjolras was ready to die a slow painful death involving something along the lines of shoving lilies down his throat. Oh, sorry, callalilies. Death was welcome to claim him at any time when Grantaire came in and his heart skipped. Then Elsa spoke. "Grantaire! Oh good news, Enjolras has proposed!"

Grantaire stuttered a little. Obviously blind-sided. The pain on his face was more obvious than he would've liked. Cosette noticed. He then forced a smile for Elsa. "Has he now...Good for you two, I'm...I'm...overcome with emotion."

"Aw, thank you dear. Oh he wants to speak with you about my wedding gift, go on out in the hall so I can't hear you."

She giggled and Enjolras hurried with Grantaire out into the foyer. Grantaire was obviously hurt beyond his physical imagination. Enjolras wanted to explain everything so fast so bad but Grantaire just sighed, smiled to avoid crying and congratulated him. "No you don't understand. I love you. She...she took me out after breakfast and demanded I propose. And...and I did and then she demanded we get married before Cosette and Marius then...it's all gone by so fast. I just wanted to see you."

"...No need to explain. Really. This is...this is how it's meant to be. You with the beautiful woman and soon beautiful children. Your father must be delighted."

"Even if I get married I'd never touch her, never kiss her. But I would gladly let you--"

"Lord, if you tell me out here I'll faint."

Enjolras smirked and kissed Grantaire who quickly pulled away. "You'll get us caught."

"Oh R, I just want a husband."

"I hope I'm a candidate."

"Oh hush...What should I do about Elsa?"

"...I really can't tell you. Were it not for me you'd be perfect together. Beautiful blonde children running through an extravagant mansion, Elsa chasing after them. Heirs. Your father must be so relieved."

"Well I'm not. I realise what my duty is as the only child but I deserve happiness. My happiness counts for something."

"Stay calm. I'll see you tonight."

"You certainly will."


	18. Chapter 18

It was late at night. Elsa had just made a big show at dinner about how wonderful their wedding would be. They'd set a date for January the seventeenth. Two weeks away. She had to be kidding. She wasn't. Enjolras was stressed beyond belief and Grantaire was brushing his hair and giving him goosebumps and calming him down. "I can't marry her, she'll attack me at night."

"It'll be okay sir. I swear it...Where's your mother been in all this?"

"She's planning the wedding too. She's going to tell my grandmother tomorrow. Her and my father are both so excited, what am I to do R?"

"...I know...I know you don't want to hear this but I think the best thing to do is...to tell your father about how you feel for me. That is if you really want this to go away."

"I...don't think that's a good idea R. I don't think it'd go over so well. You could just get fired, I'd still get married and we'd never see each other again."

"Or he could understand. He could...break off the marriage with you. Maybe not support us but maybe he wouldn't completely condemn you for it. It's not out of the realm of possibility."

"You've worked here for...collectively a year and I've known you for longer. He is not going to just be happy with this."

"But he may be understanding. May be that he wants you to be happy."

"I'll give it a go...I've got nothing but you to lose."

"Do you want me to be with you?"

"...Maybe, it could make things a million times worse though."

 

~~~~~~~

 

The following morning. Breakfast was filled with marital talk. Enjolras made eye contact with his father who just smiled. Communicating that yes it was hectic but he was going to love it. "Papa, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Certainly."

Enjolras nervously followed his father to the library. Asking Courfeyrac to send Grantaire on the way. Enjolras shut all of the doors and sat his father down. His father who was getting more and more nervous the more Enjolras fidgeted. "Son what is the matter, you're making think you've committed a crime or something."

"I've just...got some news and I don't know how to say it." He sat down on the edge of the couch, nervously gripping the cushion. "It can't be so bad. Please just tell me before my imagination takes over."

"...Alright...alright. I can't marry Elsa."

"Dear God, why not?"

"Because I'm in love with someone else and...I simply can't marry her."

"Why would you propose if--"

"She forced me to. Said it would be good for everyone and she's probably right. I probably should just marry her but it's hurting me and...I hope you'll still love me."

"I always will...Who is it that you love?"

"You won't like it."

"Please. She may not be of high class, she may not be English she may not be many things but if you love her I know she's wonderful."

"That's the thing."

The door opened. Grantaire came in. Enjolras looked up at him hopefully. He seemed to know what was being talked about. "Grantaire...we were just in the middle of a private conversation, if you could return later."

"Papa...I'm in love with him."

"...No you're not. He's a man."

"I know it's strange but I love him very very dearly and I'm so torn with this wedding and I can't just go through with it."

"But...I'm sorry to say this but this is...is just too bad. You're my only child I need grandchildren and I need a daughter-in-law."

"I know...I know. Grantaire wanted me to just marry her and...see him on the side. Have that loving family--"

"Yes do that--"

"I can't do that to Elsa. I can't do that to any potential children. I can't to that to Grantaire."

"What do you want me to say? That I'm delighted with this? That I'm glad to have this taint my family? Yes son, just go and get yourself a damn husband. I can't do that and you know it. For so many reasons I can't do that."

"Yes papa, I know that. Trust me I know it well but...Please, I need help. I need help. You're my father."

His father was silent. Enjolras began panicking. Grantaire walked to the front of the couch, between the two couches that is. The fire warming him. He was tempted to comfort Enjolras. So very tempted but that may have been the absolute worst thing to do at the moment so he refrained. "Please papa say something. Please."

"I don't know what you want me to do? Tell that poor girl she's not getting married?"

"I'd...I'd do that. It has to be from me."

"What reason would you give? What reason could you possibly give without ending in jail, without drowning us in scandal?"

"The truth is that I'm already in love. I'll tell her that. She may not accept it so easy but I'll make it work. I just wanted you to know I'm not breaking this off because I'm just so rebellious that I can't stand to be fixed up...I know this isn't easy but if you could find it in yourself to be happy that I am...I'd be very grateful."

"How can I be happy? You're...you're...damn it all."

"I'm sorry papa."

There was a long silence that set in. As imminent depression seemed to wash over Enjolras. Grantaire didn't dare speak and worsen it all. Whoops he spoke. "Sir." Now he had to follow that up with something. "Sir, I may not be...Elsa in any way close but I do love your son dearly and I know you already know that but...I may not be able to give him...well...anything that Elsa can but I'm about 78 percent sure that I could both make him happy and keep this a secret."

Enjolras smiled. His father valiantly refrained from rolling his eyes. He made a very tired sound and sank further into the couch. "Alright...Alright. I'll talk to Elsa's father if he asks but I'm sure he won't. Until then...I suppose you have my blessing to be...not...in a relationship of any kind but...to coexist together.."

Enjolras immediately perked up and tried to get out a question for confirmation. He couldn't so he just stood and wrapped his arms around Grantaire as tightly as he could. His father groaned and stood to leave. Enjolras was sure to thank him profusely. Grantaire had begun twirling Enjolras around. His father still watching in the doorway with a face of 'really?'. But Enjolras looked so damn happy.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Elsa was a very different story on convincing. Enjolras went through the process of telling her he was already in love. She told him she did not give a damn and that she was to get married. That he could have his mistress. She just needed this marriage. He told her no repeatedly. She told him yes repeatedly.

Finally, after much calling of parents and so on Elsa admitted defeat. However they were sure to 'vow to be friends'. It meant nothing other than they were not obligated to be tense around each other any longer. That meant all these wedding preparations would go to Cosette and Marius.

Marius's best man was Courfeyrac. It made no sense to anyone but apparently Courfeyrac had worked for him before Enjolras and they were essentially best friends. Enjolras was in the pews smiling as Marius staved off a heart attack. Grantaire was sitting next to him. Something the others were whispering about but they didn't really care. Grantaire leaned over and spoke so only the two could hear. "This could be us one day."

"Please, I'd never fit in that dress."

"Enjolras let's get married."

"It's not possible R."

"Maybe it is...Maybe it isn't but maybe it is and damn it all if it is I'd like to."

"I would too. I really would."

Vows and rings were exchanged through tears. Then it was time to get back to the house for the reception. The reception of course was grand. Cosette was dancing with her father when Enjolras noticed her. Elsa. She was likely invited, never one to crash a party, much less a wedding. She smiled briefly at him as she spoke with one of Marius's cousins. So Enjolras made his way over. "I didn't know she'd invited you."

Her facial expression looked slightly bothered. "I didn't mean it's not lovely to see you I just wasn't expecting it...if we've had a chance to speak before I didn't know it."

"Oh, right. Well we haven't. I was sitting on the left and saw you on the right so."

"Right...How have you been?"

"As...well I've been alright honestly. It wasn't as if I had time to flaunt the engagement at all. That and my mother's already finding more and more suitors to the point of me wanting to gauge my own eyes out."

"Mother do as mothers are."

"Yes well my mother is driving me up the wall to get married. I think that's why I pressured you honestly. And I apologise for that. If nothing else it was rude."

"Thank you for that. I thought I'd been the one in the wrong, not to say I'm blameless. But I was beginning to feel slightly crazy."

She laughed a little before watching as Courfeyrac danced with Cosette. Grantaire dancing with some cousin nearby and cringing at whatever she was saying. "So how is Grantaire anyway?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well...you're obviously good friends. As a friend of yours isn't it within my responsibilities to ask of who is important to you and their wellbeing?"

"So diplomatic. He's doing just fine. He tells me his art is coming along."

"Wonderful...Also your driver's end at this job. Why was that? No one will give me a straight answer and I don't feel I should delve further into someone else's business but it's gotten my curiosity. Do you know anything on the matter?"

"...Afraid I don't."

"Didn't you find yourself curious?"

"Not truly, no. He's never been my favourite and now he's gone. Not much to complain about."

"Fair enough...Oh poor Grantaire that girl is talking his ear off."

"He'll live."


	19. Chapter 19

The wedding reception was soon over. Cosette and Marius off to their parisian honeymoon in a few more days. For tonight they stayed in the house still. Though tonight they were together. Enjolras and his mother were combing through the wedding gifts while his father told them to leave it all be. His mother announced she was going to bed and kissed them both goodnight.

Enjolras and his father continued appraising the wedding gifts. Enjolras was mesmerized and his father took notice. He seemed to realise that he was staring at the gifts and turned to his father with a smile. "It's all so lovely."

"As wedding gifts should be."

"I just never expected it to be so grand. Perhaps I should've stayed with Elsa."

"You don't mean that. Gifts should be the cherry on top rather than the main event."

"Still. I'll never get married so I'll never get this hullabaloo of silver and china and...all this. Thinking of it now I'll never...I'll never get married...I'll never have a life outside of this house. I'll be trapped in my own secret until I die..."

"The world is getting more and more liberal. Maybe one day you'll live like us all."

"And maybe I'll die before that time...Grantaire wants to get married...It's strange because he's such a cynical, jaded person until it comes to me."

"The right person thinks the world revolves around you. He obviously does."

"Papa, this could get slightly awkward but I need your opinion as a father."

"Lord, this can't be good."

"Should I make love to Grantaire at any point in the near future?"

"Worse than I thought."

"I'm only asking...First...I'm a bit terrified. Second, we're not married. But on that same side we never will be and never can be. I do love him so...does that not make a difference in it all? I know there are plenty of people out there, including our friends, family, and even staff, who...indulge before marriage even when they can get married and I want to make him happy."

"Is he pressuring you?"

"Not even slightly. He once said he'd 'wait an eternity' for me to be ready. But his unending understanding makes it hard for me to fully decide if we should or not. I need fatherly advice."

"...I don't want you with any other man but obviously I can't stop that. So...honestly since you can't get married but you are in love, there is little to object to."

"Oh thank you for a clear answer!"

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire was brushing Enjolras's hair once more. Talking about how beautiful Cosette had looked, how goofy Marius had been around her father. How great of a dancer Courfeyrac was. Enjolras smiled at nearly everything he said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...My first name's Marcelin."

"...What a beautiful name...Mine's plain, it's just Thomas."

"It's classic and wonderful...Tonight. Let's be together tonight."

"...Tonight? Now? Enj, you're pumped up from the wedding."

"No, I'm excited for you. Please let's. If anyone hears anything they'll assume it's Marius and Cosette's lovemaking. No one will know but us and Lord, R, all I want is to be with you."

"...Who can object to that testimony?"

Enjolras smiled and stood to kiss him. Grantaire's arms wrapped about him. His legs did as well as Grantaire carried him over to his bed. Smiling between kisses he laid Enjolras down and carefully climbed on top of him. Kissing his neck, lightly biting occasionally. Enjolras closed his eyes and memorized the sensations. Grantaire's hands were roughly and unevenly running up and down Enjolras's chest. "Here, take my clothes off."

"Of course love."

Stripping Enjolras was a wonderful task. Enjolras was blushing profusely but he didn't seem very embarrassed. Of course it was revealed that his body was nothing to be embarrassed about. He was just as beautiful as expected. So beautiful infact that Grantaire remembered how inferior he was and began doubting heavily. Enjolras was unchanged. Completely free in his naked form. Prodding at Grantaire to hurry up and strip. "You know Enj...I'm beginning to have second thoughts."

"Second thoughts. Grantaire you have me stark naked in my bed. What more is there to think about?"

"There's...You're so beautiful and I certainly am not and--"

"Grantaire I love you. You are beautiful. Especially to me. And God do I want you. So please, take your clothes off."

"I've got so many scars now Enj."

"Good. It builds character."

He sighed and stood. Slowly stripping with his back to Enjolras. Shame and embarrassment flushing his face. Enjolras had once seen the scar on his collar bone. His other scars were mostly faded. He had one very prominent scar though. Down his thigh. Hip to his knee. He'd heard Grantaire mention it once before and now he could see a little bit of it. Grantaire warned that he wasn't very impressive before turning around. Another scar lay across his stomach. A scar he was attempting to cover subconsciously. "As I expected, beautiful."

"...You humor me."

"I love you, I do not humor you."

Enjolras smiled and slid off the bed sinking to his knees in front of Grantaire. Kissing his scar along his stomach. Running the flat of his tongue over the raised skin, making Grantaire shiver. He did the same to the scar along his leg. Teasing with a few coy licks to his cock. Enjolras, smirking over his shoulder as he hopped back on the bed and laid on his back. "Do what you will to me."

"So dramatic."

Enjolras giggled and blushed as Grantaire got on the bed and pushed his legs apart and closer to his chest. Reaching for the warmed oil on his bedside table left from his candle. He was gently rubbing oiled fingers over his entrance. No penetration, just getting him used to the feeling. Then a finger slipped in. Enjolras took in a breath. Soon Grantaire was scissoring, then with three fingers, then Enjolras was begging for him to enter. He oiled himself up as much as humanly possible then began sinking in. 

He slowed down as Enjolras winced. His fingers were nothing in comparison to this. It was so thick, heavy, and hot. And oh God, Enjolras was nearly writhing in pleasure and pain, the masochistic bastard. Grantaire was fully seated inside of him when he leant over him, meeting their lips. Attempting to continue kissing him as they moved. However Enjolras was so tight, Grantaire was so deep, it was all too good.

The bed squeaked with their soft moans until finally the bed began creaking harder, faster and louder. Enjolras finished first. The convulsion of Enjolras's muscles and body pushed Grantaire over. He shook and held Enjolras, thrusting in a few more times before sagging against him entirely. "I love you Enj. I love you so much."

"I love you too...Oh my God...Oh my God that was just as good as I always thought it'd be. Oh Grantaire."

He smiled and craned his neck to look at Enjolras, brushing sweaty, blond waves from his forehead. "You were so good." 

"All I did was shake and lie there."

"But you looked beautiful and felt wonderful."

Enjolras blushed and smirked. Grantaire kissed him again, running his fingertips down his chest sweetly. Grabbing his hip eventually. "I never want dawn to break."

"We can pretend...What should we do now?"

"Bask in the afterglow of glorious love-making?"

"But what if someone finds you here? What then?"

"Murder I suppose."

Enjolras laughed and rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms tighter around Grantaire and pulling him into his chest. Grantaire rested his head there, listening to Enjolras's heartbeat. Tracing figure eights with his finger tips. Grantaire pulled the sheets up on them and blew out the only light source. "Goodnight Enjolras."

"Goodnight Grantaire."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Grantaire woke first. His sleeping schedule used to waking at the crack of dawn. He saw Enjolras was still wrapped around him, though he'd become more of a ball in sleep. Tucked into Grantaire's chest he lay sleeping soundly. Grantaire kissed his forehead and relaxed to watch him sleep slightly longer. He then heard voices outside of the door and panicked. "How should I know where he is?"

"Well if he's run away or something he'll probably be shot dead by Lord Enjolras."

Just hallboys. He laid back down and draped an arm over Enjolras who's eyes began fluttering open. He whined at the sun that hit them and rolled closer to Grantaire. Kissing whatever skin he could and slotting their legs together under the covers. "Good morning Enj."

"Mm...What time is it?"

"Six."

"Why...why would God create such an awful hour."

Grantaire laughed into his blond hair as Enjolras put his arms around him with a whine. "Hey Grantaire."

"Hm?"

"I can feel your cock."

"Jesus! Don't say that! You're too distinguished."

"Well I can! It's right there on my thigh."

"Lord."

"Well...I can...It was in me last nig---"

"Stop! Someone'll hear you or something then we'll both be in prison."

"You're so dramatic you know that?"

"I'm the perfect level of drama for this situation. You should take a bath."

"Why's that?"

"Because if you don't your father will smell the sex on you and I'll get murdered. I'll go start one."

Enjolras went back to sleep as Grantaire ran a bath for Enjolras. The water running gave him time to gather all of his clothes. The bath needed shutting off before he could get dressed. He hurried to wake Enjolras before the water cooled. Enjolras groaned and whined but eventually scooting off the bed. He stood and winced. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a little sore. The bath'll help."

He sank into the bath with Grantaire's help. Grantaire was permitted to run the soap bar over Enjolras's body. Smiling at him and kissing wherever he could. "You should probably get dressed in case someone comes in."

"Probably. Stay here."

"Very funny."

Grantaire's clothes were slightly wrinkled but not terribly noticeable. He tried to smooth any slight wrinkles out with his hand and it worked. Pleasantly surprised, he returned to the bathroom to wrap Enjolras in a towel. He stood and stretched. "It's a strange thing, I had to clean your seed out of me--"

"For the love of God, must you say it in such a vulgar way?"

"Yes, it makes you blush. I love when you blush."

"You're awful."

Enjolras waddled into his room. Sitting on his bed with his towel around him. Waiting as Grantaire got his clothes ready. "I should check in with Javert and all that. I can't even imagine how much trouble I'm in."

"Don't worry about anything. Just nod along until he stops ranting."

"I'll see you later then love."

"Mm."

He left Enjolras room and nearly had a heart attack. As soon as he'd heard the door click shut Enjolras had screamed into his pillow. He wasn't sure why, just an overload of emotion. Or maybe he was just happy. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

Javert, as soon as Grantaire arrived downstairs, was ranting about his sleeping with someone did not mean he could 'undermine the household' and not be prepared for the morning. Grantaire informed him all of his duties were technically done. "Still! You are part of the staff, the staff sleeps in the attics! I want you there every night or you're gone!"

"Yes sir."

"...Alright...Go take this up to the breakfast room before anyone's down."

"I'm not a footman."

"You're being punished for sleeping out. Bring it up."

He sighed and agreed, just easier that way. He carried some strange looking food up to the dining room. Of course Enjolras's father was there. "Oh, good morning your lorship, I didn't realise anyone was in here."

"It's quite alright. You're practically family now aren't you."

"You don't have to say that. But I do appreciate it."

"Did you have fun last night then?"

"W-why would you ask?!" Enjolras's father meant the wedding. Grantaire seemed to have forgotten completely that a wedding had even taken place and was panicking that he knew about him furiously fucking his son last night. "Well...you seem to like events. I thought a wedding would be fun for you."

"...The wedding. Yes, the wedding. I loved it. She and her husband will be happy, both so kind."

"Grantaire what did you think I meant by 'last night'?"

"Oh, I just...thought I'd done something wrong that you'd noticed and I hadn't. A trick question."

"I'm not so cruel." He laughed and Grantaire awkwardly laughed with him. His father went to speak again when Enjolras opened the door. He smiled at Grantaire and his father politely. Sitting down. Too fast. Squealing practically when he sat and immediately stood. "What the matter?"

"...Must've hit...something. How strange."

"Very. How could you have hit something that's made you sore and not remember it?"

"Who knows? The wedding has me so flustered..."

"Oh, I know the feeling too well. But I'm glad the party was a success and that it is now over and cleaned up...Always thought I'd be doing all this for you."

"...If it makes you feel any better that's all I really want...It's just impossible for me."

"You know...you know it may not be such a far-fetched thing. Our minister knows us so well, he's practically family--"

"I appreciate the thought. We both do. But I wouldn't jeopardize your status and mom's status for my possible marriage. But I'm happy you'd even think of it."

"Marcelin. You need to tell your mother."

"...I should. I know I should but to burden her with this is just...I hate to do that to her. She's so high from Cosette's wedding."

"Please, she can take it. She bought you dresses and all of that."

"...You knew? You knew the whole time and...you knew?"

"You and your mother aren't so slick. I just thought if you weren't ready to tell me I shouldn't pry it out of you."

Enjolras just smiled. His smiled began fading as a comfortable silence set in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so wow, it has been longer than I planned and that's yeah. If anyone still cares I've updated but yeah sorry, I lost my muse and then suddenly all this time passed. Whoops.


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